Jokes! ( Not Necessarily Work Safe )

[W. WIllie]

If a "snake" bites you once, would you let a snake bite you again?.
Coss:
One for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go.?

Willie

 

[Coss]

If a "snake" bites you once, would you let a snake bite you again?.
Coss:
One for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go.?
Willie

First 3 were domestic models; #4 is an import and working out a whole lot better.

 

[Coss]

All crumpled up

A man sits reading his paper when his wife enters the house;

she approaches him in a most provocative manner.

"Have you ever seen a twenty dollar bill all crumpled up?" she asks in a soft sweet voice.

Not knowing what to make of this situation he replies "No."

Pursing her lips she give him a sexy little smile, reaches into her cleavage and slowly pulls out a crumpled twenty dollar bill.

Then stepping closer in she asks in a low sexy voice "Have you ever seen a fifty all crumpled up?" Intrigued he answers "Uh, no."

She gives him another sexy little smile, seductively reaches into her panties and ever so slowly removes a crumpled fifty dollar bill.

"Now" she says as she leans down and whispers "Have you ever seen 30,000 dollars all crumpled up?"

Totally confused and excited he stammers "No-o-o-o-o."

"Well" she whispers in his ear, "then go look in the garage..."

 

[AriLea]

OK, there is humor and then there are kids. It's a visceral experience when you live like the Waltons, 3 generations under one roof.

So the oldest grandchild of mine, comes scooting into our bedroom the other night, giggling to himself, goes over to grandma (my wife who is always a good sport) and stands there. Grandma says what's so funny? He says "Grandma, spell icup!"

-try it, ask your spouse or kids to spell icup, letter by letter. Verbally the joke is obvious.

So it must have put a bug in a sibling's brain, the next night another grand child, with a huge grin, comes to me when I'm on the computer and says, "grandpaw, this is a cool website, go to Pen Island dot com!" I knew SOMETHING was up. But I didn't quite get it yet, as I'm typing it in(all lower case), at letter 5 I suddenly 'get it'. I say, "Oh you booger-brat!" ( smiles and tag game commences )

Kids.., who taught them this kind of humor? OK, I liked their giggles more than any other part.

 

[Critter]

OK, there is humor and then there are kids. It's a visceral experience when you live like the Waltons, 3 generations under one roof.

So the oldest grandchild of mine, comes scooting into our bedroom the other night, giggling to himself, goes over to grandma (my wife who is always a good sport) and stands there. Grandma says what's so funny? He says "Grandma, spell icup!"

-try it, ask your spouse or kids to spell icup, letter by letter. Verbally the joke is obvious.

So it must have put a bug in a sibling's brain, the next night another grand child, with a huge grin, comes to me when I'm on the computer and says, "grandpaw, this is a cool website, go to Pen Island dot com!" I knew SOMETHING was up. But I didn't quite get it yet, as I'm typing it in(all lower case), at letter 5 I suddenly 'get it'. I say, "Oh you booger-brat!" ( smiles and tag game commences )

Kids.., who taught them this kind of humor? OK, I liked their giggles more than any other part.

another kids joke, being asked to spell Attic, nice and slow..

 

[champsman]

[Broken External Image]

 

[Coss]

[Broken External Image]

Arrrgh You had an image upload fail Looking at your post all you can see is:

How are you trying to upload images?

 

[DScott]

Take it from a guy who, as a teen, rode his unicycle everywhere (I even delivered the newspaper on it). The joke that we (owners) will hear is..."Hey buddy, you lost a wheel!" Followed by the roar of self satisfied laughter. Everyone seems to think they are the first to think if it.

And you spent at least $12,000 more on yours! Last luagh is one..

 

[AriLea]

That is a very real issue, constantly hearing, "Why does it only have three wheels?"

I'm sure, eventually, after I'm all wore out, my response will be, " read my lips, -Don't you read the news?- "

 

[Coss]

A Friendly Stranger

Little Old Lady is being cross-examined by the DA

D.A.: What is your age?

Woman: I am 86 years old.

D.A.: Will you tell us, in your own words, what happened to you?

Woman: There I was, sitting there in my swing on my front porch on a warm spring evening, when a young man comes creeping up on the porch and sat down beside me.

D.A.: Did you know him?

Woman: No, but he sure was friendly.

D.A.: What happened after he sat down?

Woman: He started to rub my thigh.

D.A.: Did you stop him?

Woman: No, I didn't stop him.

D.A.: Why not?

Woman: It felt good. Nobody had done that since my Abner passed away some 30 years ago.

D.A.: What happened next?

Woman: He began to rub my breasts.

D.A.: Did you stop him then?

Woman: No, I did not stop him.

D.A.: Why not?

Woman: Why, Your Honor, his rubbing made me feel all alive and excited. I haven't felt that good in years!

D.A.: What happened next?

Woman: Well, I was feeling so spicy that I just laid down and said to him..."Take me ...young man...Take me!"

D.A.: Did he take you?

(the whole courtroom goes silent)

Woman: Hell, no. He just yelled, "April Fool!"

...And that's when I shot the little bastard.