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Q: Why are the streets of Paris lined with trees? A: So the Germans can march in the shade.

A cowboy goes in to a hotel and asks the clerk for a room telling him he just got married. " Do you want the Bridal?" "No. I'll just hold her by the ears till she gets used to it."

She had a brother who failed at suicide. He jumped out of a basement window.

Happy Birthday and many more!

She also wrote the book " How to Play Tennis Without Balls."

Q. What do you call a prostitute with a runny nose? A. Full.

A fellow was out jogging in the park when he spotted an elderly man crying. He went over to him and asked what was the matter. The old man replied," I just got married a few months ago. My young wife is a former beauty pageant winner and lingerie model. She is independently...

A ten-year old kid in my neighborhood took about twenty Viagra tablets, He was admitted to the hospital with 3rd degree burns to his palms.

All my guns put together have killed fewer people than Ted Kennedy's car.

Try using replacement horn fluid. The viscosity is higher. I use it and have not had any leaks or seen any reduction in luminosity.

Two atoms were talking. One said, "I've lost an electron!" The other said, "Are you sure?". "Yes, I'm positive!"

Why does Helen Keller wear yellow socks? Her dog is blind too.

Definition of a good lawyer- One who can get a charge of Sodomy changed to Following Too Close.

How do you keep an idiot in suspense for 24 hours? I'll tell you tomorrow.

A guy calls his buddy and tells him he needs to hire a good lawyer. His buddy asks what he is going to court for. "I got arrested for having sex with a goat." His friend said, "I know two. The first is the best but he is expensive, The second is cheaper and not as crafty but he is excellent at...

There was a 90 year old man arrested for rape. His lawyer got the charge reduced to assault with a dead weapon.

A crowd was gathering at the scene of a terrible car accident. Six people were decapitated. As the victim's heads were gathered, a policeman would place them in a row on the curb. A drunk came by and remarked that the car involved looked like his friend's. The policeman asked him to look at the...

" The stars are matter. We are matter. But it doesn't matter." Don Van Vliet (Captain Beefheart)

FIAT = Fix It Again Tony.