Hey Ty! sorry for your loss as well. Wow back in college thats great! Just keep telling yourself, the one thing no one can ever take away from me is an education. So what do you want to be when you grow up? I still haven’t decided yet but I think I’m close to a decision now that I’m retired.
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Norahsbed Banter Thread.....
- Thread starter LockMD
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Ty
Elio Addict
Well, I'm a nuclear operations analyst now. The school is to help advance this career. Retired from the Air Force back in 2016 which still feels like "Last year" or "Just a while ago". Anyway, I've been a Government Civilian employee now coming up on 6 years. Since I still have a kid in 6th grade, I figure I've got another 6 years working at least. Then, it's a crap shoot. I could retire retire now but I'm still at the point where I enjoy the job. This Masters Degree will come 16 years after my last one. I've been out of school for quite some time and I'm pretty sure this is the last time! Let me know if you figure out what you want to do as an adult... could save me some time looking.
Very sorry about your wife. I do know how that can be. Even when finally, you get your mind back together it can take years to get your brain and body healed.
Hold-off any sadness for this following story for later. Hopefully, you will see at the end, it is not as sad and dark as you might think.
I have just lost my grandson. He had just reached 18, and died two weeks ago Monday. We had the Funeral and burial Yesterday. The day before was the viewing. The problem here is that he had a very hard time for the last 7 years. And he didn't want any more of the future he was going to face. So he used a rifle that was given to him by his parents. IT was supposed to be for hunting that they would do once he was fully healed. Something to look forward to. (I would not have given a real gun to anyone so young. It was not really under my control. But this changed nothing, just simply the method used.)
So this may become even a longer post than I have come to be known for.
But I'm feeling drawn to make a point, and see if I can help anyone who faces this. As for myself, this posting will help me as well, giving me some additional purpose to my own part in this play of life. Other than that, I'm OK, actually am existing fairly well. NOT a situation anyone can expect out of a loving grandfather who was living in the same house with a grandson, who has now 'passed over' too early. Obviously, I own some special perspective on this.
I would not want to face this as his mother is now. And not her man either. She and her man, spent more time in hospital helping with Ely's immune system replacement than anyone should. One of only 12 people known to have this condition in the world. This was and is tuff-tuff-tuff for them. And I wish-wish-wish I could open their heads and stick in there what I know about this adventure to help them. And maybe I can't address it fully toward the place where they are now, because I am not, in this select moment, there myself.
They are in a long-long-long dark tunnel you can enter into due to this situation. Once there, you do not want anyone to pull you out, because of many-many reasons you think you must be in there for. In there, just breathing is a conflict between living vs joy, a fight that should not exist but which does. This is because of reasons in your own head. And so that fight is impossible to produce a winner, but much easier than facing the void of why this has happened. And you feel it is a defense of your child's life to not accept any of the reasons that might be presented. YOU are arguing with god, inside yourself, and also with yourself.
I feel super proud of them for the effort they made to keep Ely alive and well, to give him a chance in life. This man, who also lives with us, he earned the right to be called dad by four kids, and one child, who just reaching near man-hood, has now left, on the surface, in a very bad way. He, Ely, appeared to be fully past the dark parts of his past experience and I was looking forward to him having a more regular life. And I have tried to give him hope for what comes next. If anyone has failed him, it would be me, because I have knowledge that helped me out of this same dark corner. But it was not to be.
It does not help that I am not in the same space about this as everyone else. It just gives them an excuse to say grandpa is in denial. Or maybe that I don't really care that much. That I have no oars in the water. None of this is true. I don't know for sure if they are thinking this. YOU don't always complain your true angst toward your parents. Certainly not to a live-in parent or grandparent. But, I know some of what can be in this space.
Frankly, up to now I have already installed what knowledge I could. And the grieving process must continue, until the course has run, and they are ready for something better.
So what is my perspective? Maybe it is not what you might expect.
When I was young I had to face two issues. I got very depressed at one time around 14, and considered making an exit. But the fact that I was hugely afraid of death, and that my life was not actually as bad as I thought, and my future not as challenging as Ely's, all this gave me pause. But my fear of death was part of my on going angst.
IT came to my thoughts that I did not want to live all moments of my life, afraid of the final 5 minutes of that life. So I became open to finding answers. In fact I was greatly in desire of those answers. How to be happy, how to not be afraid. I was not, and am still not a faith-only person. I am agnostic in nature. That is, I want proof that I can accept for all things. I have, over my lifetime, learned that I can not always have proof that I can deliver, to just anyone. Especially those who prefer to not accept what evidence I have, even what exists in plain sight.
So to respect that others may not want to get deeper into this than the minimum, I will cut this short. (and the fact that I must go to bed now).
I have learned to manage my own joy in life. That fact can be used to make all and any living worth it. And also the evidence I have found is personal, first person, and this gives me the deep knowing that any living you have had is worth doing it, no mater how you leave it. I also know, due to my results, at a very real level, that there is a wonderful existence after this life, for all of us. And this is maybe partly philosophical, but not in total. Certainly not a specifically religious angle and not a scientific one in any strict sense. But yes, in a technical sense I have an experiential exposure, a fact basis, one that which I can personally accept. But I can tell stories about it.
With the internet it is more possible than ever to do your own research. But it is more difficult than ever to sort out the noise from the music. The key, is to have your own experiences to help you unravel it all. Or maybe you will just have to trust someone like myself or maybe your church.
So to put this into a nut shell, I know that Ely has accomplished the most important parts of what life requires of you. That others have loved him immensely because of that. He gave giant measures of love to everyone. This also works to make them more sad to lose him. Well not just that, they now know to use that skill to make their own lives better. I made sure to make that point to them at the funeral. And the case seems they got the message. It was a full house, and after they knew that the giving of love and caring made things OK, that you can give your own joy into the mix, the friends of Ely stepped up and told all the ways that Ely made their lives brighter and more worth it. The stories were funny and heart worming. Everyone had tears of joy.
I told them thanks for your stories. YOU have shown me that Ely was a teacher. He was teaching you how to love, how to find and create joy. And I tried to give them all the confidence that Ely was OK now, better than at anytime in life. But in that setting, I can not give all the details that I have. I just get to show my confidence.
My knowledge that my search provided, worked very well for me. I am beyond doubt of where Ely is now. In fact he is doing better than we are. Even better than me. When someone passes over, fully over, it is the people left behind that suffer. I would hope that this knowing helps others. That our loved one, only appears to be gone. They still exist and are doing well.
There are all kinds of sources that provide this knowledge, some personal and up front. But for the personal ones you have to look, and you have to work at it. Well, not always. Some people get this delivered to them with no prompt for it, but the rest only get it when we earn it.
But back to the effect on me. I have patience. I figure that, at least for me, I have some purpose to accomplish while I still have any breath left. Knowing that I have a good place to be when I get done, that I will see Ely again, that he loves me still, that he knows I love him, this knowing simply gives me the strength to continue here, doing what I can.
If you want them. If you need them. Yes I can give you my stories. But in my telling, to you, these are second or third person. How much do you trust me? How much can you trust me?
For myself, I once considered it flawed to believe without evidence. Now I can accept the faith based beliefs, those that are compatible with what I now know.
Hold-off any sadness for this following story for later. Hopefully, you will see at the end, it is not as sad and dark as you might think.
I have just lost my grandson. He had just reached 18, and died two weeks ago Monday. We had the Funeral and burial Yesterday. The day before was the viewing. The problem here is that he had a very hard time for the last 7 years. And he didn't want any more of the future he was going to face. So he used a rifle that was given to him by his parents. IT was supposed to be for hunting that they would do once he was fully healed. Something to look forward to. (I would not have given a real gun to anyone so young. It was not really under my control. But this changed nothing, just simply the method used.)
So this may become even a longer post than I have come to be known for.
But I'm feeling drawn to make a point, and see if I can help anyone who faces this. As for myself, this posting will help me as well, giving me some additional purpose to my own part in this play of life. Other than that, I'm OK, actually am existing fairly well. NOT a situation anyone can expect out of a loving grandfather who was living in the same house with a grandson, who has now 'passed over' too early. Obviously, I own some special perspective on this.
I would not want to face this as his mother is now. And not her man either. She and her man, spent more time in hospital helping with Ely's immune system replacement than anyone should. One of only 12 people known to have this condition in the world. This was and is tuff-tuff-tuff for them. And I wish-wish-wish I could open their heads and stick in there what I know about this adventure to help them. And maybe I can't address it fully toward the place where they are now, because I am not, in this select moment, there myself.
They are in a long-long-long dark tunnel you can enter into due to this situation. Once there, you do not want anyone to pull you out, because of many-many reasons you think you must be in there for. In there, just breathing is a conflict between living vs joy, a fight that should not exist but which does. This is because of reasons in your own head. And so that fight is impossible to produce a winner, but much easier than facing the void of why this has happened. And you feel it is a defense of your child's life to not accept any of the reasons that might be presented. YOU are arguing with god, inside yourself, and also with yourself.
I feel super proud of them for the effort they made to keep Ely alive and well, to give him a chance in life. This man, who also lives with us, he earned the right to be called dad by four kids, and one child, who just reaching near man-hood, has now left, on the surface, in a very bad way. He, Ely, appeared to be fully past the dark parts of his past experience and I was looking forward to him having a more regular life. And I have tried to give him hope for what comes next. If anyone has failed him, it would be me, because I have knowledge that helped me out of this same dark corner. But it was not to be.
It does not help that I am not in the same space about this as everyone else. It just gives them an excuse to say grandpa is in denial. Or maybe that I don't really care that much. That I have no oars in the water. None of this is true. I don't know for sure if they are thinking this. YOU don't always complain your true angst toward your parents. Certainly not to a live-in parent or grandparent. But, I know some of what can be in this space.
Frankly, up to now I have already installed what knowledge I could. And the grieving process must continue, until the course has run, and they are ready for something better.
So what is my perspective? Maybe it is not what you might expect.
When I was young I had to face two issues. I got very depressed at one time around 14, and considered making an exit. But the fact that I was hugely afraid of death, and that my life was not actually as bad as I thought, and my future not as challenging as Ely's, all this gave me pause. But my fear of death was part of my on going angst.
IT came to my thoughts that I did not want to live all moments of my life, afraid of the final 5 minutes of that life. So I became open to finding answers. In fact I was greatly in desire of those answers. How to be happy, how to not be afraid. I was not, and am still not a faith-only person. I am agnostic in nature. That is, I want proof that I can accept for all things. I have, over my lifetime, learned that I can not always have proof that I can deliver, to just anyone. Especially those who prefer to not accept what evidence I have, even what exists in plain sight.
So to respect that others may not want to get deeper into this than the minimum, I will cut this short. (and the fact that I must go to bed now).
I have learned to manage my own joy in life. That fact can be used to make all and any living worth it. And also the evidence I have found is personal, first person, and this gives me the deep knowing that any living you have had is worth doing it, no mater how you leave it. I also know, due to my results, at a very real level, that there is a wonderful existence after this life, for all of us. And this is maybe partly philosophical, but not in total. Certainly not a specifically religious angle and not a scientific one in any strict sense. But yes, in a technical sense I have an experiential exposure, a fact basis, one that which I can personally accept. But I can tell stories about it.
With the internet it is more possible than ever to do your own research. But it is more difficult than ever to sort out the noise from the music. The key, is to have your own experiences to help you unravel it all. Or maybe you will just have to trust someone like myself or maybe your church.
So to put this into a nut shell, I know that Ely has accomplished the most important parts of what life requires of you. That others have loved him immensely because of that. He gave giant measures of love to everyone. This also works to make them more sad to lose him. Well not just that, they now know to use that skill to make their own lives better. I made sure to make that point to them at the funeral. And the case seems they got the message. It was a full house, and after they knew that the giving of love and caring made things OK, that you can give your own joy into the mix, the friends of Ely stepped up and told all the ways that Ely made their lives brighter and more worth it. The stories were funny and heart worming. Everyone had tears of joy.
I told them thanks for your stories. YOU have shown me that Ely was a teacher. He was teaching you how to love, how to find and create joy. And I tried to give them all the confidence that Ely was OK now, better than at anytime in life. But in that setting, I can not give all the details that I have. I just get to show my confidence.
My knowledge that my search provided, worked very well for me. I am beyond doubt of where Ely is now. In fact he is doing better than we are. Even better than me. When someone passes over, fully over, it is the people left behind that suffer. I would hope that this knowing helps others. That our loved one, only appears to be gone. They still exist and are doing well.
There are all kinds of sources that provide this knowledge, some personal and up front. But for the personal ones you have to look, and you have to work at it. Well, not always. Some people get this delivered to them with no prompt for it, but the rest only get it when we earn it.
But back to the effect on me. I have patience. I figure that, at least for me, I have some purpose to accomplish while I still have any breath left. Knowing that I have a good place to be when I get done, that I will see Ely again, that he loves me still, that he knows I love him, this knowing simply gives me the strength to continue here, doing what I can.
If you want them. If you need them. Yes I can give you my stories. But in my telling, to you, these are second or third person. How much do you trust me? How much can you trust me?
For myself, I once considered it flawed to believe without evidence. Now I can accept the faith based beliefs, those that are compatible with what I now know.
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