Frim
Elio Addict
In the late 50's, Fox sold Crow a bag of donut holes so he could make his own donuts. It looked like it was going to work but Crow spilled the whole bag.
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Jokes! ( Not Necessarily Work Safe )
- Thread starter Keith Dahl
- Start date
Rob Croson
Elio Addict
Mel
Elio Addict
I get it. I just don't think it's funny!
The doc told him that masturbating before sex often helped men last longer during the act.
The man decided, "What the hell, I'll try it."
He spent the rest of the day thinking about where to do it.
He couldn't do it in his office.
He thought about the restroom, but that was too open.
He considered an alley, but figured that was too unsafe.
Finally, he realized his solution. On his way home, he pulled his truck over on the side of the highway.
He got out and crawled underneath as if he was examining the truck.
Satisfied with the privacy, he undid his pants and started to masturbate.
He closed his eyes and thought of his lover.
As he grew closer to orgasm, he felt a quick tug at the bottom of his pants.
Not wanting to lose his mental fantasy or the orgasm, he kept his eyes shut and replied, "What?"
He heard, "This is the police. What's going on down there?"
The man replied, "I'm checking out the rear axle, it's busted."
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"Well, you might as well check your brakes too while you're down there because your truck rolled down the hill 5 minutes ago."
The man decided, "What the hell, I'll try it."
He spent the rest of the day thinking about where to do it.
He couldn't do it in his office.
He thought about the restroom, but that was too open.
He considered an alley, but figured that was too unsafe.
Finally, he realized his solution. On his way home, he pulled his truck over on the side of the highway.
He got out and crawled underneath as if he was examining the truck.
Satisfied with the privacy, he undid his pants and started to masturbate.
He closed his eyes and thought of his lover.
As he grew closer to orgasm, he felt a quick tug at the bottom of his pants.
Not wanting to lose his mental fantasy or the orgasm, he kept his eyes shut and replied, "What?"
He heard, "This is the police. What's going on down there?"
The man replied, "I'm checking out the rear axle, it's busted."
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"Well, you might as well check your brakes too while you're down there because your truck rolled down the hill 5 minutes ago."
Johnny Acree
Elio Addict
- Joined
- May 12, 2014
- Messages
- 1,529
- Reaction score
- 2,573
A blonde walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist for some butt deodorant.
"Sorry, we don't sell butt deodorant," the pharmacist replies, struggling to keep from laughing.
"But I always buy it here," the blonde says. "I bought one last month."
Thinking quickly, the pharmacist suggests, "I don't know what you bought before, so maybe you can bring in the empty container next time."
"Sure," the blonde replies. "I'll bring it with me tomorrow."
The next day, the blonde walks into the shop again and hands the pharmacist an almost empty deodorant stick. "This is just a normal deodorant," the pharmacist tells the blonde, "You use it under your arms."
"No, it is not," the blonde answers, "it says so here: To apply, push up bottom."
"Sorry, we don't sell butt deodorant," the pharmacist replies, struggling to keep from laughing.
"But I always buy it here," the blonde says. "I bought one last month."
Thinking quickly, the pharmacist suggests, "I don't know what you bought before, so maybe you can bring in the empty container next time."
"Sure," the blonde replies. "I'll bring it with me tomorrow."
The next day, the blonde walks into the shop again and hands the pharmacist an almost empty deodorant stick. "This is just a normal deodorant," the pharmacist tells the blonde, "You use it under your arms."
"No, it is not," the blonde answers, "it says so here: To apply, push up bottom."
Ty
Elio Addict
I told my wife if she didn't shut up, I'd pull the truck over, put it in park, and refuse to use the accelerator until she did. It didn't work. She knew it was an idle threat.
Johnny Acree
Elio Addict
- Joined
- May 12, 2014
- Messages
- 1,529
- Reaction score
- 2,573
With the number of airline disasters lately, the FAA now sends an inspector to the North Pole to check out Santa Claus's sleigh before allowing him to fly on Christmas eve.
Santa hitches the reindeer up and taxis onto the runway and just as he's starting his takeoff roll he looks over and notices the inspector has a pump shotgun on his lap. "Hey! Whats the shotgun for!?" Santa yells.
The inspector says, "Well, Santa, I'm really not supposed to tell you this, but there is going to be an engine failure on takeoff."
[Broken External Image]
The inspector arrives and checks the reindeer and they look good, he checks the harness and it looks okay, he checks the sleigh and it is also okay. Then he says, "Santa, lets take it up for a check ride and if everything looks good I'll certify you to fly."Santa hitches the reindeer up and taxis onto the runway and just as he's starting his takeoff roll he looks over and notices the inspector has a pump shotgun on his lap. "Hey! Whats the shotgun for!?" Santa yells.
The inspector says, "Well, Santa, I'm really not supposed to tell you this, but there is going to be an engine failure on takeoff."
Boo <hissssss> animal cruelty. That's no way to treat Santa's reindeer .....
Coal in your stocking, smoldering .......
An elderly man went to the doctor and wanted a sperm check.
The doctor said it wouldn't be necessary but the man demanded.
So the doctor gave the man a jar and told him to come back the next day.
The next day the old man came back, the jar empty.
"What happened?" the doctor asked.
"Well," the old man said, "I tried with my left hand, I tried with my right hand, my wife tried with her left hand, she tried with her right hand, and she tried with her teeth in and her teeth out.
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No matter how hard we tried, we just couldn't get the lid off the jar."
The doctor said it wouldn't be necessary but the man demanded.
So the doctor gave the man a jar and told him to come back the next day.
The next day the old man came back, the jar empty.
"What happened?" the doctor asked.
"Well," the old man said, "I tried with my left hand, I tried with my right hand, my wife tried with her left hand, she tried with her right hand, and she tried with her teeth in and her teeth out.
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No matter how hard we tried, we just couldn't get the lid off the jar."