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Jokes! ( Not Necessarily Work Safe )

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Keith Dahl, Sep 20, 2014.

  1. Johnny Acree

    Johnny Acree Elio Addict

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    Here is a pic of my foot soaked in gas!!!!
    hot foot.jpg
     
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  2. Ty

    Ty Elio Addict

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    Don't check it with a lighter!
     
  3. Coss

    Coss Moderator Staff Member Moderator

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    How else is he supposed to know which foot it …….. was <hehehehehhe>
     
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  4. Coss

    Coss Moderator Staff Member Moderator

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    A middle-aged executive was becoming increasingly irritated by the constant ribbing he was taking from the junior employees who couldn't resist making fun of his baldness.

    One morning, a particularly brash trainee had the gall to run his hand across the older man's gleaming head while loudly exclaiming, "Feels just like my wife's ass."

    With a look of genuine curiosity, the aging executive rubbed his hand across his head. "You're right," he said, "it does..."
     
  5. Mel

    Mel Elio Addict

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    You should get a job!
    Why?
    So you could make money!
    Why?
    You could save some of it!
    Why?
    Later you could retire and not have to work!
    I'm not working now!
     
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  6. hawg_ryder

    hawg_ryder Elio Addict

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    Oh Yeah!!! ;) Been there too...


    :cool:_hr
     
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  7. Coss

    Coss Moderator Staff Member Moderator

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    A 90-year-old man was having his annual check-up. The doctor asked him how he was feeling.
    "I've never been better," the old man replied.

    "I've got an eighteen-year-old bride who's pregnant & delivered a child. What is your opinion about that, Doc?" the old man asked.

    The doctor thought for a moment, then said, "Well, let me tell you a story. I know a guy who is a hunter."
    "He never misses a season for hunting. But, one day he's in a bit of a hurry and he accidentally grabs his umbrella instead of his gun. So he's walking in the woods near a creek, and suddenly he spots a lion in some brush in front of him.
    He raises his umbrella, points it at the lion and squeezes the handle. BAM! The lion drops dead in front of him."

    "That's impossible!" said the old man in disbelief. ”Someone else must have shot that lion”.

    "Exactly," said the Doctor.
     
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  8. Mel

    Mel Elio Addict

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    That's called a "grudge pregnancy"! Some one had it in for him.
     
  9. Coss

    Coss Moderator Staff Member Moderator

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    Duuuhhhhhh, it's a joke son, it's a joke.
     
  10. Coss

    Coss Moderator Staff Member Moderator

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    A young man moved out from home and into a new apartment, all on his own.
    He went proudly down to the lobby to put his name on his mailbox.
    While there, a stunning young lady came out of the apartment next to the mailboxes, wearing only a robe.

    The boy smiled at the young woman and she started up a conversation with him.
    As they talked, her robe slipped open, and it was obvious that she had nothing else on.
    The poor kid broke into a sweat trying to maintain eye contact.

    After a few minutes, she placed her hand on his arm and said, "Let’s go to my apartment, I hear somebody coming."

    He followed her into her apartment.
    She closed the door and leaned against it allowing her robe to fall off completely. Now nude, she purred at him, "What would you say is my best feature?"

    Flustered and embarrassed, he finally squeaked, "It's got to be your ears."

    Astounded, and a little hurt she asked, "My ears?!?!? Look at these breasts!
    They are a full 38 inches and 100% natural. I work out every day and my buns are firm and solid.
    I have a 28 inch waist. Look at my skin - not a blemish anywhere.
    How can you think that the best part of my body is my ears?"

    Clearing his throat, he stammered,

    "Outside, when you said you heard someone coming... that was me."
     

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