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Jokes! ( Not Necessarily Work Safe )

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Keith Dahl, Sep 20, 2014.

  1. hawg_ryder

    hawg_ryder Elio Addict

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    barbie ken and GI Joe.png ;):p


    :cool:_hr
     
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  2. Coss

    Coss Moderator Staff Member Moderator

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    An Irishman, Englishman and Scotsman go into a pub and each order a pint of Guinness.
    Just as the bartender hands them over, three flies buzz down and one lands in each of the pints.

    The Englishman looks disgusted, pushes his pint away and demands another pint.

    The Scotsman picks out the fly, shrugs, and takes a long swallow.

    The Irishman reaches in to the glass, pinches the fly between his fingers and shakes him while yelling, "Spit it out, ya bastard! Spit it out!"
     
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  3. hawg_ryder

    hawg_ryder Elio Addict

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    cute n dangerous.jpg :rolleyes:


    :cool:_hr
     
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  4. hawg_ryder

    hawg_ryder Elio Addict

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    CyberBus by Tesla!

    cyber bus by tesla.png ;):D


    :cool:_hr
     
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  5. Coss

    Coss Moderator Staff Member Moderator

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    At a party, an obstetrician’s wife noticed another guest, a large oversexed woman, making advances to her husband.

    She tried to ignore it until they disappeared into a bedroom together.

    Immediately she rushed into the room, pulled the two apart and yelled,


    “Look, lady! My husband just delivers babies, he doesn’t install them!”
     
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  6. Coss

    Coss Moderator Staff Member Moderator

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    A man is lying in bed in a Catholic hospital with an oxygen mask over his mouth.
    A young auxiliary nurse appears to sponge his face and hands. "Nurse," he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?"

    Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, I'm only here to wash your face and hands."

    He struggles again to ask, "Nurse, Are my testicles black?"

    Again the nurse replies, "I can't tell. I'm only here to wash your face and hands."

    The ward sister was passing and saw the man getting a little distraught, so she marched over to inquire what was wrong.
    "Sister," he mumbled, "are my testicles black?"

    Being a nurse of longstanding, the sister was undaunted.
    She whipped back the bedclothes, pulled down his pajama trousers, moved his penis out of the way, had a right good look, pulled up the pajamas, replaced the bedclothes and announced, "Nothing wrong with them!"

    At this the man pulled off his oxygen mask and asked again, "Are my test results back?!?!?!"
     
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  7. hawg_ryder

    hawg_ryder Elio Addict

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    bacon cooking.png Seriously!;)


    :cool:_hr
     
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  8. Watashiwah

    Watashiwah Elio Addict

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    A recent post reminded me of a joke:

    A guy in the Soviet Union goes into a car dealer to buy a car, he plunks down the Rubles and the dealer says ok come back in five years to pick up your car.

    The guys asks ‘Can I come in the afternoon?’

    Car dealer says ‘Why would you care whether morning or afternoon? It’s five years away.’

    The guy replies ‘the plumber is coming in the morning.’
     
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  9. hawg_ryder

    hawg_ryder Elio Addict

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    salt use in texas.png :p


    :cool:_hr
     
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  10. Coss

    Coss Moderator Staff Member Moderator

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    A little old man is taking his evening walk when he sees a woman with perfect breasts.
    He gets closer and says to her, “Hey lady, would you let me bite your breasts for $1,000 dollars?”

    The woman turns back and says, “Listen you, I’m not that kind of a woman! Got it?”

    But the very determined old man kept walking a few feet behind. He then says, “Would you let me bite your breast just once for $10,000 dollars?”

    The woman stops, thinks about it for a while and says, "Hmmm, $10,000 dollars... okay, just once! But lets go to that dark alley.”

    They go to the alley, where she takes off her top to reveal the most gorgeous breast he has ever seen. He grabs them and starts fondling them slowly, caressing them, kissing them, licking them, burying his face in them, but not biting them.

    The woman gets annoyed and asks, “Well? Are you going to bite them or not?”

    “Nah,” says the old man, “costs too much…”
     
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