Jokes! ( Not Necessarily Work Safe )

[Karnaj]

If only the world ran on bullshit.... Never be an energy crisis huh?

 

[RUCRAYZE]

If only the world ran on bullshit.... Never be an energy crisis huh?

right-on, but some always complains about Co2 emissions!!

 

[DWR]

ok, i read all of this thread.............whats the purpose?

This thread is over a year old now! Don't you want to laugh (then, or now)?

 

[Ty]

LOL. If you don't get the point of humor, move right along. We've got this.

 

[DWR]

Now that I own a Fiat......

How do you get spare parts for a Fiat?
Just follow another one around.

What's the difference between a Fiat and a Jehovah's Witness?
You can close the door on a Jehovah's Witness.

When should you do the first oil change on a Fiat?
When it gets to 50,000 miles, or in other words, never.

Have you seen the latest Fiat anti-theft device?
They enlarged the logo.

What occupies the last six pages of the Fiat owner's manual?
The bus and train timetables.

How can you get a Fiat to do 60 miles an hour?
Push it over a cliff.

A friend went to a dealer the other day and said, "I'd like a gas cap for my Fiat."
The dealer replied, "Okay. Sounds like a fair trade."

How do you make a Fiat go faster?
Tell the tow truck driver to speed up.

What do you call a Fiat on a hilltop?
A miracle.

Two Fiats on a hilltop?
Science fiction.

Three Fiats on a hilltop?
A funny place to build a Fiat factory.

How is the Fiat BB? Are any of these jokes true?

 

[bowers baldwin]

How is the Fiat BB? Are any of these jokes true?

Well I'm at 12K miles, so far I've been rear-ended, lightly, twice, by the same woman (small scuff on the bumper), had a rock put a small nick in the windshield, had a flat tire 3 days ago. Other than the psychotic audio system, and the 30 minuet delay gas gauge (no lie it takes 30 min after I fill it to register) it's been great. During my flat issue I took to bug to work, I forgot how "fast" it was, the bug is at about 90 hp, to the Fiat's 101 hp, but the bug weighs 1000+ lbs. less, I forgot how fast it can get off the line. Anyway so far so good. No inherent Italian car issues (yet).
Italian Chrysler made in Mexico, what could go wrong?

 

[Muzhik]

Well I'm at 12K miles, so far I've been rear-ended, lightly, twice, by the same woman (small scuff on the bumper), had a rock put a small nick in the windshield, had a flat tire 3 days ago. Other than the psychotic audio system, and the 30 minuet delay gas gauge (no lie it takes 30 min after I fill it to register) it's been great. During my flat issue I took to bug to work, I forgot how "fast" it was, the bug is at about 90 hp, to the Fiat's 101 hp, but the bug weighs 1000+ lbs. less, I forgot how fast it can get off the line. Anyway so far so good. No inherent Italian car issues (yet).
Italian Chrysler made in Mexico, what could go wrong?

Reminds me of a story I read mumble mumble years ago. A guy went to Italy to pick up his custom Fiat (can't remember the model, but it was supposed to be really souped up.) As was customary, he got to take it for a few laps around a local racetrack. While he was driving, he came up with at least half-a-dozen issues: headlights didn't work, the turn signals were backwards (signaled left when he had signaled right, etc.), seat didn't move back, that sort of thing. And as he was taking his laps and noting all the broken stuff, on his left came a BMW which passed him -- not blindingly, but briskly.

He drove the car back to the factory, and went to the quality control manager. Each item that was broken was met by a yawn, or glancing at his watch, and so on, until he mentioned being passed by a BMW. "WHAT?!" (or the Italian equivalent). He called over a team, which immediately started working, adjusting, and being busy around his car. Soon enough, they presented his car back to him, newly tuned and set so that no BMW would pass it again. Oh, and while they were at it, they fixed all the other problems.

 

[Hotscoots]

 

[champsman]

A young boy called the pastor of a local church and asked him to
come by to pray for his mother, who was very ill with the flu.

The pastor knew the family and was aware they were members of another
church down the road. So the pastor asked, "Shouldn't you be asking
Brother Simon at your church to come by to pray with your mom?"

The young boy replied, "Yeah, but we didn't want to take the chance
that he might catch whatever it is that Mom has."

 

[champsman]

After being married for 50 years, I took a careful look at my wife one day and said, "Fifty years ago we had a cheap house, a junk car, slept on a sofa-bed and watched a 10-inch black and white TV. But hey I got to sleep every night with a hot 23-year-old girl.
Now ... I have a $750,000 home, a $45,000 car, a nice big bed and a large screen TV, but I'm sleeping with a 73-year-old woman. So I said to my wife "it seems to me that you're not holding up your side of things."
My wife is a very reasonable woman. She told me to go out and find a hot 23-year-old girl and she would make sure that I would once again be living in a cheap house, driving a junk car, sleeping on a sofa bed and watching a 10-inch black and white TV.
Aren't older women great?
They really know how to solve an old guy's problems!