Mel
Elio Addict
If all the cars in the United States were lined up bumper-to-bumper around the world.........some idiot would try to pass!
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Jokes! ( Not Necessarily Work Safe )
- Thread starter Keith Dahl
- Start date
Mel
Elio Addict
Just remember...Computers are our friends, Computers are our friends, Computers are our friends........repeat as necessary.
ross
Elio Addict
What do you call an intelligent blonde?
A golden retriever.
Two blondes are driving in the country and see a blonde in a row boat in the middle of a wheat field.
First blonde says 'you know it's blondes like that that give us our bad name'
second blonde says 'you know if I could swim I'd go give her a piece of my mind.'
Brunette is driving out in the country one day and sees a sheep herder out in a field with a flock of sheep, she pulls up and asks 'if I guess how many sheep are in that field can I have one?' Sheep herder says sure, lady looks over the field for a bit and says '645', herder says 'that's exactly right, help yourself to which ever one you want, she loads one in the back of her car and just as she's about to leave the sheep herder taps on her window and says 'If I guess what color your hair was before you dyed it, can I have my dog back?
A golden retriever.
Two blondes are driving in the country and see a blonde in a row boat in the middle of a wheat field.
First blonde says 'you know it's blondes like that that give us our bad name'
second blonde says 'you know if I could swim I'd go give her a piece of my mind.'
Brunette is driving out in the country one day and sees a sheep herder out in a field with a flock of sheep, she pulls up and asks 'if I guess how many sheep are in that field can I have one?' Sheep herder says sure, lady looks over the field for a bit and says '645', herder says 'that's exactly right, help yourself to which ever one you want, she loads one in the back of her car and just as she's about to leave the sheep herder taps on her window and says 'If I guess what color your hair was before you dyed it, can I have my dog back?
ross
Elio Addict
Who am I going to offend this time? Blondes, sheep herders, or Golden Retrievers?
RUCRAYZE
Elio Addict
XI time to turn in-A bit of spring is in the air night all
Mel
Elio Addict
Know the difference between a blonde pilot and a regular pilot?
A regular pilot breaks ground and turns into the wind.
A regular pilot breaks ground and turns into the wind.
ross
Elio Addict
I worked as a pilot one summer, Dad and I cleaned out the barn, we'd pile it here and pile it there.
2 pollocks buy a mule, they're bringing it into the barn for the first time and the mules ears hit the top of the barn door, and he locks up, ain't going another step, they talk about it and decide to cut out the top of the barn door opening so he will clear, ones got a hand saw and is hacking away when a neighbor comes by and asks what's going on and they tell him they just bought a mule and his ears hit the top of the barn door opening so they are cutting it out so he will clear, neighbor says 'why don't you dig out under the barn door so the mule will drop down and clear the top of the door. the pollocks say they will think about it and as soon as the neighbor leaves one Pollock turns to the other one and says 'that's the dumbest thing I've ever heard "his legs ain't too long his ears are"
2 pollocks buy a mule, they're bringing it into the barn for the first time and the mules ears hit the top of the barn door, and he locks up, ain't going another step, they talk about it and decide to cut out the top of the barn door opening so he will clear, ones got a hand saw and is hacking away when a neighbor comes by and asks what's going on and they tell him they just bought a mule and his ears hit the top of the barn door opening so they are cutting it out so he will clear, neighbor says 'why don't you dig out under the barn door so the mule will drop down and clear the top of the door. the pollocks say they will think about it and as soon as the neighbor leaves one Pollock turns to the other one and says 'that's the dumbest thing I've ever heard "his legs ain't too long his ears are"
champsman
Elio Addict
After his exam the doctor said to the elderly man: "You appear to be in good health. Do you have any medical concerns you would like to ask me about?"
"In fact, I do," said the old man.
"After I have sex I am usually cold and chilly, and then, after I have sex with her the second time, I am usually hot and sweaty."
Then, after examining his elderly wife, the doctor said: "Everything appears to be fine. Do you have any medical concerns that you would like to discuss with me?"
The lady replied that she had no questions or concerns.
The doctor then said to her: "Your husband had an unusual concern. He claims that he is usually cold and chilly after having sex with you the first time, and then hot and sweaty after the second time. Do you know why?"
"Oh that crazy old fart," she replied. "That's because the first time is usually in January and the second time is in August."
"In fact, I do," said the old man.
"After I have sex I am usually cold and chilly, and then, after I have sex with her the second time, I am usually hot and sweaty."
Then, after examining his elderly wife, the doctor said: "Everything appears to be fine. Do you have any medical concerns that you would like to discuss with me?"
The lady replied that she had no questions or concerns.
The doctor then said to her: "Your husband had an unusual concern. He claims that he is usually cold and chilly after having sex with you the first time, and then hot and sweaty after the second time. Do you know why?"
"Oh that crazy old fart," she replied. "That's because the first time is usually in January and the second time is in August."
Mel
Elio Addict
Elderly couple went in for their annual physical exam. After the Dr. finished with the man he stated, "You're in very good health for your age." The man returned with, "Yes, the Lord takes care of me. As a matter of fact, when I get up in the night to pee, the Lord turns the light on for me." The Dr. says, "That IS incredible."
When he is finished with the wife, he tells her the same thing. She also says, "Yes, the Lord takes of me." Then the Dr. told her what her husband had said about the Lord turning the light on for him when he gets up to pee.
The wife's response, "Oh my God, he's peeing in the refrigerator again."
When he is finished with the wife, he tells her the same thing. She also says, "Yes, the Lord takes of me." Then the Dr. told her what her husband had said about the Lord turning the light on for him when he gets up to pee.
The wife's response, "Oh my God, he's peeing in the refrigerator again."
Ninja Baby