Jokes! ( Not Necessarily Work Safe )

[Coss]

75 in a 55

In a hurry to get somewhere the lady was doing 75 in a 55mph zone.

A State Patrol stopped her.

He walked up to her car and asked, "Do you know why I pulled you over?"

"Because you wanted to sell me tickets to the State Patrolmen's Ball?” she replied.

"State Patrolmen don't have balls", he said...then realizing what he had just said...he let her go!

 

[Coss]

I'd Rather Have A Job

A guy walks into the local welfare office, marches straight up to the counter and says, "Hi... You know, I just HATE drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a job."

The social worker behind the counter says, "Your timing is excellent.
We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful nymphomaniac daughter.

You'll have to drive around in his Mercedes, but he'll supply all of your clothes.
Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You'll be expected to escort her on her overseas holiday trips.
You will have to satisfy her sexual urges.
You'll be provided a two-bedroom apartment above the garage.

The starting salary is $200,000 a year."

The guy, wide-eyed, says, "You're bullshittin' me!"

The social worker says, "Yeah, well ... you started it."

 

[Coss]

A Strong Smell

Passing through the hospital corridors, a doctor noticed a strong smell of marijuana.

He asked one of the nurses on duty about the odor.
“The good thing,” the nurse said, “is that down that hall everybody’s glaucoma has cleared up."

"The bad thing is that now everyone wants Twinkies, donuts and candy!”

 

[Ty]

Face a mirror. Raise your right hand. Now notice that your reflection seems to be raising their left hand. Huh... The mirror flips images left to right. (compared to what you would see if you were standing in front of yourself). Now, why doesn't the mirror ALSO flip top to bottom? Go ahead, lean over... waaaaay over and see if it still flips left to right. Nope... it still looks as though your reflection is raising their left hand. WTF?

 

[Muzhik]

Face a mirror. Raise your right hand. Now notice that your reflection seems to be raising their left hand. Huh... The mirror flips images left to right. (compared to what you would see if you were standing in front of yourself). Now, why doesn't the mirror ALSO flip top to bottom? Go ahead, lean over... waaaaay over and see if it still flips left to right. Nope... it still looks as though your reflection is raising their left hand. WTF?

It's because you have stereoscopic left-right binocular vision. If your eyes were stacked on top of each other you'd see it flip top to bottom.

 

[Coss]

10 Facts..

10 Things Men Know about Women:

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

7.

8.

9.

10. They Have Breasts.

 

[Rob Croson]

It's because you have stereoscopic left-right binocular vision. If your eyes were stacked on top of each other you'd see it flip top to bottom.

If you close one eye, does the left-right inversion go away?

Back to the drawing board!

 

[Muzhik]

If you close one eye, does the left-right inversion go away?

No, because your binocular vision (and all the associated brain circuitry) doesn't go away. You've just cut off input into one side of the system.

 

[Rob Croson]

It doesn't have anything to do with your brain. It's just straight up physics.

 

[Muzhik]

It doesn't have anything to do with your brain. It's just straight up physics.

So it's more like a "This is your brain. This is your brain on physics" type of thing?