Funny Or Dumb Things You've Actually Heard Or Seen Done Relating To Cars.

[Ty]

I've heard some odd things... I thought this would be a good place to put those funny anecdotes that don't quite meet the "joke" requirement. Let's keep these to things you've actually seen or heard. You can include stories told TO you but the person telling the story should have BEEN there. Let's keep away from the "I heard this from an uncle who knew a guy who was on a trip and saw someone telling a story about another guy..." kind of things.

"Make them check the carburetor. That way, you'll look like you know what you are talking about"
- in reference to a newer vehicle that had NO chance of actually having a carburetor.

"I filled the car with oil and now it won't start."
- Friend thought his car was low on oil because he couldn't see any in the fill hole... so, he filled it to the top of the valve cover.

At that same Air Force assignment, another kid was told his car was a quart low on oil. He bought the right oil and went home and put it promptly in his radiator.

I cut the top off of a 1974 Audi Fox in about 1985 and welded the doors shut. There was a big 50 yard by 20 yard depression in the back of our field that we used to ride motorcycles in and jump out. Well, the car didn't quite do a nice jump. It landed bumper first but maintained an upright position. I parked it, cleaned out the bumper, and no one was the wiser (I was 15 at the time). Well, that car made an awful buzzing sound in reverse thereafter. It was never going to be roadworthy as there was something wrong with the rear axle that Dad never fully explained. I Do know that it over-headed and locked up on his way home one day. He put a 1/2 breaker bar on the main pulley and by jumping up and down on it, broke the motor free. He put water in the radiator, cranked it up, and drove it home where it sat... till some kid cut the top off of it and welded the doors shut...

 

[Frim]

I've heard some odd things... I thought this would be a good place to put those funny anecdotes that don't quite meet the "joke" requirement. Let's keep these to things you've actually seen or heard. You can include stories told TO you but the person telling the story should have BEEN there. Let's keep away from the "I heard this from an uncle who knew a guy who was on a trip and saw someone telling a story about another guy..." kind of things.

"Make them check the carburetor. That way, you'll look like you know what you are talking about"
- in reference to a newer vehicle that had NO chance of actually having a carburetor.

"I filled the car with oil and now it won't start."
- Friend thought his car was low on oil because he couldn't see any in the fill hole... so, he filled it to the top of the valve cover.

At that same Air Force assignment, another kid was told his car was a quart low on oil. He bought the right oil and went home and put it promptly in his radiator.

I cut the top off of a 1974 Audi Fox in about 1985 and welded the doors shut. There was a big 50 yard by 20 yard depression in the back of our field that we used to ride motorcycles in and jump out. Well, the car didn't quite do a nice jump. It landed bumper first but maintained an upright position. I parked it, cleaned out the bumper, and no one was the wiser (I was 15 at the time). Well, that car made an awful buzzing sound in reverse thereafter. It was never going to be roadworthy as there was something wrong with the rear axle that Dad never fully explained. I Do know that it over-headed and locked up on his way home one day. He put a 1/2 breaker bar on the main pulley and by jumping up and down on it, broke the motor free. He put water in the radiator, cranked it up, and drove it home where it sat... till some kid cut the top off of it and welded the doors shut...

My 14-yr-old brother and I went out to steal some gasoline at a concrete plant nearby so we could go joy riding. I let him out at the plant and drove around the block in Dad's 55' Oldsmobile. When I returned, he was standing under a street light with the 5 gal. can. We emptied it into Dad's ride. By the time we got home that Olds was blowing a real cool smoke screen. Dad drove it to church the next morning. He never asked and we never told. But it must have been diesel.

 

[NSTG8R]

Daughter had ["had" thankfully being the operative word!] a BF that used to work on her Jeep for her. Made me cringe every time my wife called me at work to let me know he was at our house to borrow tools to do "fill in the blank" to Janell's Jeep. Simple oil change on this day, what could go wrong? An hour later he comes walking into the house proclaiming that the tranny in the Jeep is shot! Well My wife's no slouch when it comes to mechanical things and said to him, "What'd you do?! Drain the tranny and put 6 more quarts in the engine?" He rolled his eyes at her and said, "Do I look like a dumba$$?" My wife, who never liked the guy any way said, "Yep!" she went out to the drive way, slid under the Jeep and pointed out where the oil pan drain plug was for him and that he had indeed drained the tranny and stuck 6 more quarts of oil in the engine. Wife couldn't wait to call me at work and tell me about it.

 

[Rob Croson]

I had a buddy in the Navy who was spending the night at his girlfriend's house. Next morning when he got in his beater car (late 70s or early 80s Camaro, I think) to drive back to base for duty, the throttle cable broke. He had to get to base, or be AWOL. He attaches a wire to the throttle under the hood, wraps it around a coke can, and drives back to base with his left arm out the window, operating the throttle by hand.

 

[NSTG8R]

I had a buddy in the Navy who was spending the night at his girlfriend's house. Next morning when he got in his beater car (late 70s or early 80s Camaro, I think) to drive back to base for duty, the throttle cable broke. He had to get to base, or be AWOL. He attaches a wire to the throttle under the hood, wraps it around a coke can, and drives back to base with his left arm out the window, operating the throttle by hand.

The threat of being AWOL is the mother of invention!!
I actually used a lighter to shave with before an inspection...Once! VERY bad idea, but I passed.

 

[Rob Croson]

 

[NSTG8R]

INDEED!!

 

[Folks]

The threat of being AWOL is the mother of invention!!
I actually used a lighter to shave with before an inspection...Once! VERY bad idea, but I passed.

You sound like the guy in Viet Nam who when issues the brand new jungle boot light enough to facilitate swimming. No one bothered to inform him that you have to know how to swim first. He reportedly drowned.

 

[Folks]

Back in the 60s Our team made the state tournament one year so we all went to Nashville to play the finals. My friend's dad who worked for an oil company had converted a Corvair Monza to propane fuel. We way over stayed our welcome in that we had to drive into the night in order be at school the next day. There is no such thing as a propane company staying open at night. He must have done this before because it did not bother him one bit to pull up to the closed company climb the impound fence drive one of their trucks along side the fence stretch the hose threw the fence and gas up free. That tank only had a 100 mile range on it. I can't remember if it was 2 or 3 propane companies we knocked over that night to get home.

 

[W. WIllie]

Back in the "Old days" when I was working as a mechanic, some people (esp. women) would bring their vehicles in and say that their vehicle had no power and were sluggish.
Yep that was when they had a "Foot actuated emergency brake lever."
Problem solved.