Jokes! ( Not Necessarily Work Safe )

[Folks]

OK this one goes back 50 years. Two elderly, retired widows are taking a cross country trip in their brand new 1964 VW beetles. (kinda like some of us will be doing in our new Elios soon) One of the beetles breaks down and the old lady driver gets out, walks to the front of the car, opens the lid and gasps "Somebody stole my motor" to which the other old lady replies "Don't worry I got a spare in the trunk."

Someone please help I need some relief.

 

[LockMD]

Not "about" cars.....but you do drive on a date.........

What's the best thing about dating a homeless woman? When the date is over, you can drop her off anywhere.

 

[StuartGrant]

What's the worst part of locking your keys in your car at an abortion clinic?





















Going in and asking for a coat hanger.

 

[LockMD]

Eeeeeewwwwwwww

 

[wjdom]

The 2 happiest days of a boat owners life? The day he buys the boat and the day he sells it

I refer to boats as a "HOLE IN THE WATER YOU DUMP MONEY IN TO!"

 

[Jay3wheel]

B.O.A.T. Break out another thousand.......

 

[Jeff Porter]

A <insert your favorite person type here: blonde, your hated rival's team's best player, etc.> grabs their cell phone, calls a locksmith. "Help, please! I need you to get me into my car! It's locked and the keys are inside!!"

Locksmith: "Sheesh, I'll be there as soon as I can. What's the big hurry??"

"Well, it's about to start raining here, and the top is down on my convertible."

DOOP!

 

[Norahsbed]

When I bought my boat, I didn't pay $1000 for it, but the guy who bought it did!

 

[DWR]

When I bought my boat, I didn't pay $1000 for it, but the guy who bought it did!

This is true in my case. Bought a boat for $2600.00. Had a BLAST in it! I did A LOT of work on it. Maybe put $600.00 in it and a lot of labor. It ran great,but was very dirty. Ended up selling it for $4500.00. Bought a 1994 low miles, Z28 Camaro (LT1 motor. WOW!) with those funds. The most fun car I've ever owned! Sold it for what I paid for it and then got the bike that is my avatar. I wouldn't have had the Camaro or the bike without the boat. This bike will be for sale once Elio production begins. GO ELIO!!

 

[ross]

A <insert your favorite person type here: blonde, your hated rival's team's best player, etc.> grabs their cell phone, calls a locksmith. "Help, please! I need you to get me into my car! It's locked and the keys are inside!!"

Locksmith: "Sheesh, I'll be there as soon as I can. What's the big hurry??"

"Well, it's about to start raining here, and the top is down on my convertible."

DOOP!

A pickup full of (insert your favorite person here) drives into an irrigation canal and two of them drown because they couldn't get the tailgate down.
Blonde's house catches fire. She calls the fire department and they ask 'how do we get there?'
She responds "Don't you have your big red fire truck anymore?"
Seriously, I saw a gal one time at the grocery store, struggling with the remote door lock, pushing the button repeatedly to no avail. I walked up, asked her for the key, stuck it into the lock in the door, twisted the key and saved her a call to the locksmith. True story.