Jokes! ( Not Necessarily Work Safe )

[Mel]

. . . and when you fill out your "dream sheet" of preferred duty stations, you can be sure those are the ones you won't get.

When I graduated from radio/radar school in Biloxi, this was the expectation. Everyone in the class except for me asked for the opposite of what they wanted. I asked for Carswell AFB because it was close to home.
When the orders came out, the CO congratulated everyone. He said it's the first time he'd ever seen that everyone got their first choice.
A lot of people were NOT happy!

 

[Johnny Acree]

He made me laugh, so it is a joke.

 

[Coss]

It is? Ok, I guess, ......
But then again, I didn't get it.
Does that make it not a joke?
Or is it a joke if you get it, and just a statement if you don't?

I'm confused ......

 

[Johnny Acree]

OK, that made me chuckle to.

 

[Coss]

Glad I could bring a little sunshine to your day

 

[Bamdalam]

To start, this is a true story that happened just last week to a friend, of a friend of mine. My friend goes to church with a lady that has a mentally handicapped son that is about 30. He's able to stay by himself, but is told to keep the storm door and main door locked. His mother is a nurse at a local hospital.
He loves the movie Trolls. His Mother is not supposed to have a cell phone at work, but her situation requires that she does.
Now for the funny part.
He called his mom at work saying "momma, TROLLS, TROLLS!". She tells him to watch the movie, and she'll watch it again with him when she gets home. He continues to keep calling saying "TROLLS, TROLLS!".
She finally tells him that she's at work, and can't stay on the phone. So he calls the hospital main line for his mother. Her supervisor, knowing her situation, suggest that she go and check on him. She did. When pulling in the driveway, she noticed the door was open, and the storm door was unlocked. Once inside, it looked like a bar room brawl had happened! All the furniture knocked over, and the phone ripped off the wall with only the wires hanging out! She starts calling for her son. All of the sudden, she hears BANG, BANG, BANG coming from a large hutch they have, and the doors are tied together with the phone wires so it can't be opened.
She's frantically calling "son, son, where are you"! He speaks up behind her saying "here I am momma. TROLLS, TROLLS!".
She thinks, "well who's locked in the hutch then?". She unties the wires holding the hutch door shut, and out pops a lady that happens to be a little person, about 3'6"-4' tall! Of course she asked "well who are you, and what are you doing in my house"! The little person says " lady, I'm a Jehovah's Witness. When I knock on your door, your son drug me in shouting TROLLS,TROLLS! I tried to fight him off, but I just couldn't"!
Of course, the mother apologized, and explained about her son. She asked the lady to please not press charges. The little person said "I wont press charges, I just want the heck outta here!". This is not a copy and paste joke. Actually happened last week here in E. TN.

P.S. The preacher had a hard time with the sermon Sunday because he couldn't keep a straight face from thinking about this story.

 

[Frim]

Ok, I'll explain. First Marine has been a Marine for about 10 minutes. He is already telling people junior to him that the ale was much better in "the old corps". I guess you have to have been around some Marines. Or appreciate irony.

Well, I appreciate the explanation.

 

[Ty]

Quick Chemistry symbol quiz:
H = Hydrogen
O = Oxygen
NA = Sodium
HIJKLMNO=
.
.
.
.
.
Water. I'm pretty sure that's right. My teacher said the chemical symbol for water was "H" to "O"!

 

[Coss]

Quick Chemistry symbol quiz:
H = Hydrogen
O = Oxygen
NA = Sodium
HIJKLMNO=
..
Water. I'm pretty sure that's right. My teacher said the chemical symbol for water was "H" to "O"!

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Muzhik]

A Tribute to Don Rickles - The Original Equal Opportunity Offender - yes click on this line

Thanks for posting this. My ex didn't like him because she doesn't like insult comedy. I liked him because everything was so extreme and kept coming at such a pace (kinda like with early Robin Williams) that you couldn't help but laugh. Will always remember him as Crapgame in "Kelly's Heroes".