Jokes! ( Not Necessarily Work Safe )

[Coss]

A man wanted a hundred dollar bill tatooed to his penis. So he goes to a Tattoo Shop and makes the request.
The Tattoo designer tells him that it would cost him $1000.00 to do the special bizarre request.

The guy thinks for a while and decides that its a fair price. The designer starts the tattoo. In the middle of the job,
he asks the man, "Why are you doing this?"

The man replies, "That's personal."

With that, the designer continues to do the tattoo. The designer is still intrigued by such a bizarre request, so he tells the customer,
"I'll waive the $1000.00 if you tell me why you are doing this?"

The man thinks again and replies, "Okay, that's reasonable. Here goes. There are three reasons.
First, I like to play with money. Second, I like to watch money grow.
Third, and the most important, if my wife wants to blow a hundred, well, she can do it right at home."

 

[hawg_ryder]

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[hawg_ryder]

A Wile warning!

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[wjdom]

CLICK ON LAST PICTURE. EVEN THE HORSES IN NEW ORLEANS HAVE RHYTHM....
---------- Forwarded message ---------
Wed, Apr 3, 2019 at 10:32 AM
Subject: Policeman Approaches Men On The Street – Suddenly, The Horse Hears His Favorite Song And Leaves Everyone Jaw Dropping #horse #lovelyanimalsworld
To: Walter Dominique <wjdomi@gmail.com>


https://www.lovelyanimalsworld.com/...vorite-song-and-leaves-everyone-jaw-dropping/

 

[Coss]

A man heard that his wife was cheating on him. He came earlier from the job one day, and he saw his wife naked in the bed.

"Where is he?" he shouted. He looked around the room and then under the bed, where the guy was laying with $100 bucks in his hand.

The husband quickly took the money, and said to his wife, "Wait until I find him!"

 

[larryboy]

The pirate always stopped in to the same bar whenever he was in port. While the pirate was a man of few words he developed a friendship with the bartender. The bartender was shocked when the pirate came in from a cruise with a wooden leg. "what happened" he said. The pirate replied "cannon ball". The pirate returned from his next trip to sea with a hook instead of his right hand. "sword fight" was all he said. The next time he returned he had a patch over one eye. The bartender asked "what happened to your eye" and the pirate replied, "seagull shit in it". The bartender was puzzled. "That would not cause you to lose your eye. the pirate answered "was not used to my hook yet"!

 

[hawg_ryder]

I got a call the other day from an old high school girlfriend who was passing through town. We talked and reminisced about the old days and she mentioned maybe getting together. She even mentioned that we might be able to reestablish some of the old magic we had back in high school.

I said, well I'm not as young as I used to be. She just laughed and said not to worry, that she had been married to an older man who had all kinds of problems in bed. She said she was sure that I would still look hot to her and things would be fine. Then I said, well I've lost quite a bit of hair too. She laughed again and said that she liked the balding look of men my age. Then I mentioned to her that I had gained quite a bit of weight. She laughed again and said that she liked a man with something extra to hold on to. Then she said that she had gained a few pounds herself. So, I hung up.



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[W. WIllie]

I like "plump" women. Heat in the winter, and shade in the summer.

 

[Ty]

I like "plump" women. Heat in the winter, and shade in the summer.

Now, that made me laugh!

 

[Coss]

What is a man's most embarrassing moment?

When he walks into a wall with an erection and breaks his nose.