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Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Keith Dahl, Sep 20, 2014.
There was a guy that got married and decided to get a tattoo on his penis. The tattoo he got said "I LOVE YOU".
A couple of days later his wife tells him she wants a divorce and he asks why?
Then she said, "Because you're putting words into my mouth!"
Three men are debating on what would be the fastest thing on our planet.
The Englishman says, “For me it is our thoughts because they are immediate.”
The Frenchman says, “I am sure it is the light because it travels at the absolute speed.”
The Belgian says, “It's diarrhea. Before you can think or switch the light on you have already got your pants full.”
A pilot is having dinner with a brunette and when they finish, they head to a hotel.
He calls room service and asks for a bottle of red wine.
When it arrives, he opens the bottle and puts some of the wine on the brunette’s lips and then starts kissing her.
She asks what he’s doing and he replies, “When I have read meat, I must have red wine.”
“Ooohh,” she says. A little later he calls room service again and orders some white wine.
It arrives in a few moments and he begins to splash it on the girl's breasts and then starts kissing them.
She asks what the white wine is for and he replies, “When I have white meat, I must have white wine.”
“Ooohh, she says. Eventually, he works his way down, pulls out a can of lighter fluid and a match, sprinkles it on her muff, and lights it on fire.
“Aahhh! Why the hell did you do that?" she yells.
“When I go down, I want to go down in flames!” He replies.
An old Irishman was asked, "At your ripe age, what would you prefer to get... Parkinson's or Alzheimer?"
The Irishman answered, "Definitely Parkinson's.
Better to spill half an ounce of whiskey than to forget where you keep the bottle!"
While eating a local diner, Mr. And Mrs. Mars exchanged horrified looks as the trucker sitting next to them lets out an enormous belch.
Indignantly tapping him on the shoulder, Mr. Mars says, “How dare you belch like that before my wife!
Looking up from his soup, the trucker says, “Sorry. I didn’t know it was her turn.”
Good Advice I'm thinkin'