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Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Keith Dahl, Sep 20, 2014.
That joke came over on the ARK!
Finally! I can't believe it was so simple!
I started with nothing..........and still have most of it.
Two married buddies are out drinking one night, when one turns to the other and says, "You know, I don't know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we've been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway, shut off the engine and coast into the garage. I take my shoes off before I go into the house, sneak up the stairs and get undressed in the bathroom. I ease into bed, and my wife still wakes up and yells at me for staying out so late!"
His buddy looks at him and says, "Well, you're obviously taking the wrong approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, throw my shoes into the closet, jump into bed, slap her on the butt and say, 'You as horny as I am?' and she always acts like she's sound asleep!"
On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules.
"The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students.
Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time."
He continued, "Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60.
Being caught a third time will cost you a fine of $180. Are there any questions?"
At this point, a male student in the crowd inquired, "How much for a season pass?"
Little Jimmy walked into his dad's bedroom one day only to catch him sitting on the side of his bed sliding a condom onto his penis, in preparation of sex with his wife.
Jimmy's father, in attempt to hide his full erection with a condom on it, bent over as if to look under the bed. Little Johnny asked curiously, "What ya doing daddy?"
His father quickly replied, "I thought I saw a rat go underneath the bed."
To which Little Jimmy replied, "What ya gonna do, screw him?" ……….
Walking into the bar, Harvey said to the bartender, "Pour me a stiff one, Eddie. I just had another fight with the little woman."
"Oh yeah," said Eddie. "And how did this one end?"
"When it was over," Harvey replied, "she came to me on her hands and knees."
"Really? Now that's a switch! What did she say?"
"She said, 'come out from under that bed, you gutless weasel!'"