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Jokes! ( Not Necessarily Work Safe )

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Keith Dahl, Sep 20, 2014.

  1. hawg_ryder

    hawg_ryder Elio Addict

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    heh heh heh! :p
    chevy engine in a ford.png


    :cool:_hr
     
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  2. Coss

    Coss Moderator Staff Member Moderator

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    A group of four men often got together to play racquetball.
    After the game three of them men showered in the locker room, then went and had a few drinks in the club bar.
    After this had been going on for some time, one of the three men asked the man who always left,
    “How come you never hang around and get cleaned up and have a few with us?”

    The fourth man seemed a little embarrassed, but he admitted that he didn’t want to be seen in the shower with the other men because he felt his penis was small.

    So the first man asked, “Does it work?”

    “Of course, it works extremely well.”

    So the first man asked, “Would you like to trade it in for one that looks great in the shower?”
     
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  3. Coss

    Coss Moderator Staff Member Moderator

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    A young woman walked into dry cleaners and walked up to the counter.

    She handed the guy her blouse and as she left he said, "Come again!"

    She replied, "No, it was ketchup this time."
     
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  4. Coss

    Coss Moderator Staff Member Moderator

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    Two men are talking about how they want to leave the world.
    “I’d like to go out like my uncle,” says the first man. “He died at the race track.”

    The second man says he’d like to go out like his grandfather.
    “He just died peacefully. Fell asleep and never woke up or made a sound.

    Nothing like the people riding in his bus.”
     
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  5. hawg_ryder

    hawg_ryder Elio Addict

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    A crowded United Airlines flight was canceled. A single agent was re-booking a long line of inconvenienced travelers.

    Suddenly, an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket on the counter and said, "I HAVE to be on this flight and it has to be FIRST CLASS."

    The agent replied, "I'm sorry, sir. I'll be happy to try to help you, but I've got to help these folks first; and then I'm sure we'll be able to work something out."

    The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear, "DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?"

    Without hesitating, the agent smiled and grabbed her public address microphone. "May I have your attention, please?", she began, her voice heard clearly throughout the terminal. "We have a passenger here at Gate 14 WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can help him with his identity, please come to Gate 14".

    With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man glared at the United Airlines agent, gritted his teeth, and said, "F*** You!"

    Without flinching, she smiled and said, "I'm sorry sir, you'll have to get in line for that, too."



    Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain...;):D


    :cool:_hr
     
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  6. hawg_ryder

    hawg_ryder Elio Addict

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    and counting!;)
    didn't use algebra.jpg


    :cool:_hr
     
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  7. Coss

    Coss Moderator Staff Member Moderator

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    Susan is great at doing head stands. She was advised by her mum not to practise it in her new school since her underwear is usually exposed.

    Susan was proud at her achievement after her first day in school and was eager to tell Mum about the great audience of boys she attracted at school when showing off her skills.

    Mother reminded her about exposing her panties of which Susan replied, "No Mum they were not seeing my panties."

    "How come sweetie?", said Mum.

    "Because I took them off Mum," she replied.
     
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  8. Coss

    Coss Moderator Staff Member Moderator

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    Early one morning, a rookie cop was on radar duty under a bridge.
    He observed a red Corvette traveling at a ridiculous speed.
    Upon pulling the car over he asked the driver, " What's the hurry, Buddy?"

    The driver calmly replied, " I'm late for work."

    "Oh yeah, what exactly do you do?" asked the cop.

    "I’m a Rectum Stretcher," the driver says. "I stick one finger in the rectum, wriggle it around, and then when it's stretched large enough I move on to two fingers and so on until I make the rectum about 6 feet."

    "What the hell do you do with a 6 foot ass?” the cop inquired.

    "Well, apparently you give him a radar gun and tell him to hide under a bridge..." ………….:drum:
     
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  9. hawg_ryder

    hawg_ryder Elio Addict

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    Not really funny ha ha, but the older I get the truer it gets!:cool:
    knowing when.png



    :cool:_hr
     
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  10. Coss

    Coss Moderator Staff Member Moderator

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    Very true, very true, same here.
     
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