Jokes! ( Not Necessarily Work Safe )

[hawg_ryder]

From our friends "Down Under"...

_hr

 

[Coss]

So why aren't you at the races? It's somewhat "local" to you.
Just up the road a piece over in Austin..... It is a NASCAR race.
I know if I was there I'd head over to it. So git.....it's not that fur....

 

[Coss]

A curious kid comes running to an elderly man, who is reading a book. He asks him, "What are you reading?"

The elderly man answers, “A history book."

The kid looks at what the elderly man is reading and says, "But that’s a book about sex!"

And the man said, "Yeah, but for me it's history!"......................................................................

 

[hawg_ryder]

So why aren't you at the races? It's somewhat "local" to you.
Just up the road a piece over in Austin..... It is a NASCAR race.
I know if I was there I'd head over to it. So git.....it's not that fur....

So, I'm not that big of a NASCAR fan (My brother was big time! He was a big Kevin Harvick fan...) I'm more into road racing and open wheel... I do like watching a NASCAR race on a road course tho... Kinda funny watchin' dem good ol boys steer in both directions! Bit more challenging for the crews as well, having to set the car up to "go both ways"! There's also a Top Fuel drag race going on in Baytown this weekend... Bout an hour from me, but there's so much rain I'm not sure if either event is going to go well...

 

[hawg_ryder]

I've gotten about 10" in the last 6 days! If I get much more standing water in my yard
I could probably turn it into a rice paddy... Or Crawdad farm!

_hr

 

[Coss]

It is a road race, Chase Elliot won, the drag races are post-poned till Monday (that is if it stops raining) and I used to think this was the only place that would get rain for days in a row, hell, we're so far behind in rainfall this year they are already doing water restrictions or at least planning them.
NASCAR on rain tires and they were still spinning out, what a joke, they ended up calling the race early because they were hydroplaning so bad no one could steer in a direction they wanted to go, what a mess.

 

[Johnny Acree]

It is a road race, Chase Elliot won, the drag races are post-poned till Monday (that is if it stops raining) and I used to think this was the only place that would get rain for days in a row, hell, we're so far behind in rainfall this year they are already doing water restrictions or at least planning them.
NASCAR on rain tires and they were still spinning out, what a joke, they ended up calling the race early because they were hydroplaning so bad no one could steer in a direction they wanted to go, what a mess.

Was this the first rain race for nascar?
I'm thinking they have run caution laps before, but not any green laps.
Any idea how old the rain tires were?

 

[Coss]

Yeah they had the rain tires out before but never used them, this was the first time, what a mess.
Tires were new, but it didn't seem to make much difference, they still were out of control.
But it was a good race, so to say. And the people got a good show, but it still was a mess.

Now back to our standard joke page (like the NASCAR race wasn't funny enough)

 

[Coss]

Two little boys are talking in the backyard. “My daddy’s got a penis,” says the first.

“My daddy’s got two penises,” says the second.

“No way,” says the first.

“Yeah,” says the second. “He’s got a small one to pee with and a great big one to clean the baby-sitter’s teeth!”............................

 

[Coss]

An old county doctor went way out to the boondocks to deliver a baby.

It was so far out that there was no electricity. When the doctor arrived, no one was home except for the laboring mother and her 5 year old child.

The doctor instructed the child to hold a lantern high so he could see while he helped the woman deliver the baby.
The child did so, the mother pushed, and after a little while, the doctor lifted the new born baby by the feet
and spanked him on the bottom to get him to take his first breath.

"Hit him again," the child said. "He shouldn't have crawled up there in the first place!!!"........................................................