Jokes! ( Not Necessarily Work Safe )

[Mel]

It's not just age.
Little Johnny, in the first grade, asked to go to the restroom. The teacher gave permission. A few minutes later he came back and said he couldn't find it. The teacher instructed Bobby to help him. A few minutes later they both returned. Johnny went to his seat, but Bobby stopped at the teachers desk and said, "The reason he couldn't find it was because he had his underwear on backwards."

 

[hawg_ryder]

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[hawg_ryder]

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[Coss]

A farmer in his pickup, drove to a neighbor’s, and knocked at the door. A boy, about 9, opened the door.

"Is your Dad home?"

"No sir, he isn't; he went to town."

"Well, is your Mother here?"

"No sir, she went to town with Dad."

"How about your brother, Jeffrey? Is he here?"

"No sir, He went with Mom and Dad."

The farmer stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other, and mumbling to himself.

"Is there anything I can do for you? I know where all the tools are, if you want to borrow one, or I can give dad a message."

"Well," said the farmer uncomfortably, "I really wanted to talk to your Dad.
It's about your brother Jeffrey getting my daughter, Suzie, pregnant.”

The boy thought for a moment. "You would have to talk to Dad about that.

I know he charges $500 for the bull and $50 for the hog, but I don't know how much he charges for Jeffrey."

 

[hawg_ryder]

A True Story .... Carnation Milk

When opening a can of carnation evaporated milk for your recipes just smile and think of this:

A little old lady from North Carolina had worked in and around her family’s dairy farm since she was old enough to walk, with hours of hard work and little compensation…

So when canned Carnation Milk became available in grocery stores, she read an advertisement offering $5000 for the best slogan/rhyme beginning with “Carnation milk is best of all ....”

She said to herself “ I know all about milking cows and dairy farms… I can do this!”

She sent in her entry, and about a week later, a black limo drove up in front of her house… A man got out and said, “Carnation LOVED your entry so much, we are here to award you $1000, even though we WILL NOT Be able to use it...

Here is her entry

Carnation Milk
Is best of all, No tits to pull ,
No hay to haul,
No buckets to wash,
No shit to pitch ,
Just poke a hole
In the Son-of-a- bitch





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[hawg_ryder]

No place but Texas!
Merry Christmas everyone... May you all have a Merry Christmas and
a Happy and safe New Year!

 

[Coss]

In recent years, more money has been spent on breast implants and Viagra that on Alzheimer’s disease research.

Which leads one to wonder... By the year 2035, will there be a large number of people wandering around with big breast and erections who can’t remember what to do with them?

 

[Coss]

A handsome guy goes into the hospital for some minor surgery and, the day after the procedure, a friend stops by to see how he is doing.

The friend is amazed at the number of nurses who come by the room with refreshments, offers to fluff his pillows, make the bed, give him back rubs, etc. “Why all the attention?” the friend asks. “You look fine to me.”

“I know!” grins the patient. “But the nurses kinda formed a little fan club when they all heard that my circumcision required twenty-five stitches.”

 

[Coss]

After completing their shopping, these two friends were about to drive back home and one of them realized that she’d forgotten to stop at the pharmacy for birth-control pills.

Rushing into the nearest drugstore, she handed the prescription to the pharmacist. “Can you fill this quickly?” she asked. “I’ve got someone waiting in the car.”

 

[Coss]

And last but not least . .........................................

Confucius say…

"Passionate kiss like spiders web - soon lead to undoing of fly."