-
Welcome to Elio Owners! Join today, registration is easy!
You can register using your Google, Facebook, or Twitter account, just click here.
Jokes! ( Not Necessarily Work Safe )
- Thread starter Keith Dahl
- Start date
Getting ready to go to the golf club with his grandfather, the young boy was looking around the trunk of the new BMW.
“What’re these?” he asked, pulling a small sack from the golf bag after his grandfather had loaded his clubs.
“Those are tees,” the old man said. “You put your balls in them when you drive.”
“Wow,” the boy said, “those BMW people think of everything, don’t they?”
“What’re these?” he asked, pulling a small sack from the golf bag after his grandfather had loaded his clubs.
“Those are tees,” the old man said. “You put your balls in them when you drive.”
“Wow,” the boy said, “those BMW people think of everything, don’t they?”
The golf nut arrived home three hours late from his weekly golf game looking utterly disgusted and completely exhausted. He dragged himself inside the house, flopped into his favorite chair and asked his wife for a strong drink.
"That's the last time I play with George!" he fumed. "The man has absolutely no consideration for his fellow golfers!"
"You seem pretty angry," the wife said. "What did he do?"
"The inconsiderate prick had a heart attack on the fourth hole," exclaimed the golfer, "and for the rest of the day it was hit the ball, drag George, hit the ball, drag George. . . !"
"That's the last time I play with George!" he fumed. "The man has absolutely no consideration for his fellow golfers!"
"You seem pretty angry," the wife said. "What did he do?"
"The inconsiderate prick had a heart attack on the fourth hole," exclaimed the golfer, "and for the rest of the day it was hit the ball, drag George, hit the ball, drag George. . . !"
larryboy
Elio Addict
How Yuma AZ got it's name
The fort was surrounded by hostile Apaches. A call went out for a volunteer to ride for help. A young private volunteered and as he was getting ready to go a 2LT came up to him and said "could you get me a pack of cigarettes?" Just at dusk the private returned. Shot full of arrows he fell off his horse just inside the gate. As he was gasping his last the 2LT knelt beside him and asked "did you get my cigarettes?"
The private raised himself on his elbow and gasped "You Mu.... You MU.....
The fort was surrounded by hostile Apaches. A call went out for a volunteer to ride for help. A young private volunteered and as he was getting ready to go a 2LT came up to him and said "could you get me a pack of cigarettes?" Just at dusk the private returned. Shot full of arrows he fell off his horse just inside the gate. As he was gasping his last the 2LT knelt beside him and asked "did you get my cigarettes?"
The private raised himself on his elbow and gasped "You Mu.... You MU.....
A lady with a hearing problem goes to confession.
The priest asked her to speak more quietly, since everyone in the church could hear her and even suggested for her to write down what she had to say in advance.
At her next confession, she knelt and handed a piece of paper to the priest. He looked at it and said, “What is this? It looks like a grocery list.”
“Mother of God!” said the lady. “I must have left my sins at the market!”
The priest asked her to speak more quietly, since everyone in the church could hear her and even suggested for her to write down what she had to say in advance.
At her next confession, she knelt and handed a piece of paper to the priest. He looked at it and said, “What is this? It looks like a grocery list.”
“Mother of God!” said the lady. “I must have left my sins at the market!”
Johnny Cyclone
Elio Aficionado
How do you keep an idiot in suspense for 24 hours? I'll tell you tomorrow.
Mel
Elio Addict
No need to wait. I'll tell you now!
Hand him a piece of paper that has "See other side" written on both sides.
Last edited:
An inventor, looking for a loan, told his banker that he’d discovered a remarkable substance that brushed lightly over a lady’s p*ssy, would give it an orange flavor.
“No good,” the banker responded, after some thought. “But if you can invent something to put into an orange that will make it taste like p*ssy, you can have your loan and we’ll both get rich!”
“No good,” the banker responded, after some thought. “But if you can invent something to put into an orange that will make it taste like p*ssy, you can have your loan and we’ll both get rich!”
gottemfeathers
Elio Addict
An Engineer dies and goes to Hell. Dissatisfied with the level of comfort, he starts designing and building improvements.
After a while, Hell has air conditioning, ice water, flush toilets, and escalators, and the Engineer is a pretty popular guy.
One day God calls and asks Satan, "So, how are things going down there?"
Satan says, "Why, things are going great. We've now got air conditioning, ice water, flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this Engineer is going to come up with next!"
God is horrified. "What? You've got an Engineer? That's clearly a mistake - he should never have gone down there! You know all Engineers go to Heaven. Send him up here immediately!!"
Satan says, "No way, I really like having an Engineer on the staff.
I'm keeping him."
God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue you."
"Yeah, right," Satan laughs, "and where are you going to get a lawyer?"
After a while, Hell has air conditioning, ice water, flush toilets, and escalators, and the Engineer is a pretty popular guy.
One day God calls and asks Satan, "So, how are things going down there?"
Satan says, "Why, things are going great. We've now got air conditioning, ice water, flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this Engineer is going to come up with next!"
God is horrified. "What? You've got an Engineer? That's clearly a mistake - he should never have gone down there! You know all Engineers go to Heaven. Send him up here immediately!!"
Satan says, "No way, I really like having an Engineer on the staff.
I'm keeping him."
God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue you."
"Yeah, right," Satan laughs, "and where are you going to get a lawyer?"
Frim
Elio Addict
I can't wait