Jokes! ( Not Necessarily Work Safe )

[Coss]

The Principal of an exclusive girls’ school was lecturing her students on sexual morality.
“We live today in very difficult times for young people. In moments of temptation, ask yourselves just one question...
Is an hour of pleasure worth a lifetime of shame?”

A girl in the back of the class raises her hand and says, "Excuse me, but how do you make it last an hour?”

 

[hawg_ryder]

h_r

 

[hawg_ryder]

A group of engineering students and their teacher were given free airplane tickets to go on holiday.

Once on board the Captain announced that they were on a plane the students had built.

Everyone freaked and rushed out of the plane except for the teacher who calmly remained in his seat.

When the flight attendant asked why he hadn't left he replied:

"I know the abilities of my students; this thing won't even start..."


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[hawg_ryder]

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[hawg_ryder]

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[Coss]

A teacher in a kindergarten school was asking the little kids to tell her the uses of light.
Bernard said, "We use it to see in the evening when the sun sets."

Gerard said, "It is useful so that we can read in the evening."

Luc said, "We need it for TV and radio etc."

After all kids said what they thought, little timid Isabelle raised her hand. "Yes, Isabelle, what else we use the light for?"

"We eat it," said Isabelle.

"What do you mean, honey?"

"I'm not really sure. But I heard my mother saying to my father last night, 'Switch the light off and put it in my mouth.'”

 

[hawg_ryder]

Fifty Shades of Grey for Seniors:

Back and forth. Back and forth.
In and out. In and out.
A little to the right. A little to the left.
She could feel the sweat on her forehead, between her breasts, and trickling down the small of her back.
She was getting near to the end.
He was in ecstasy, with a huge smile on his face as his wife moved.
Forwards, then backwards. Forward, then backward. Again and again.
Her heart was pounding, now. Her face was flushed.
She moaned, softly at first, then began to groan louder.
Finally, totally exhausted, she let out a piercing scream,

"OK, OK, you smug bastard, I CAN’T parallel park! You do it!"


_hr

 

[Coss]

A magical frog is walking through the forest. He comes upon a bear and a rabbit.
He says, "Since you are the first creatures I have seen, I will grant you each three wishes."

The bear goes first and says, "I wish I was the only male bear in the whole forest."

The rabbit says, "I wish for a helmet." Poof they got their wish. For the bear’s second wish, "I wish I was the only male bear in the whole country."

The rabbit says, "I wish for a motorcycle." Poof they got their wish. For the bear's last wish, "I wish I was the only male bear in the WHOLE world."

The rabbit makes his last wish by saying, "I wish the bear was gay." Then he strapped on his helmet got on the motorcycle and rode away.

 

[Coss]

Three storks meet and ask each other, “Where are you going today?”

“Hooo, I'm going to a couple trying to have a child for 10 years... I bring them a little girl."

"That’s cool! And you?”

“I am going to see a lady who has never had children. I bring her a boy!"

“Very well, I'm sure she'll be really happy."

And you?” The first two ask the third stork.

“Me? I am going over to the nearby convent. I would never bring them anything, but I love to scare them.”

 

[Coss]

This guy buys some new underwear from a department store. He takes them home and tries them on, but to his dismay they don't fit properly,
so off he goes back to the store.
When it's his turn at the customer service window, the lady asks him why he's returning the underwear.

The man replies by asking the saleslady, "Have you ever heard of the ballroom in the Washington Monument?"

The puzzled saleslady scratches her head and says, "What ballroom?"

The man snaps, "Exactly!"