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Jokes! ( Not Necessarily Work Safe )

Coss

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The new bride turned to her husband as they entered the bridal suite of the hotel.
“Honey,” she said, “I must confess that I haven’t any idea what to do tonight.”

“Dear,” her husband snickered, “you are putting me on!”
 

hawg_ryder

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hurt feelings holding flashlight for my dad.jpg




:cool:
 

Coss

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There is a family of storks, a mommy stork, a daddy stork, and a baby stork. One day, daddy didn't come home for dinner. Mommy and baby were very worried. When dad came home late the next morning, they asked what he was doing.

"I was making a young couple very happy," he replied.

About a week later, mommy didn't come home for dinner. Daddy and baby were very worried. When mom came home late the next morning, they asked what she was doing.

"I was making a young couple very happy," she replied.

A few days later, baby didn't come home for dinner. Mom and dad were very worried. When he came home very late the next morning, they asked him where he was.

Baby just grinned and said, "I've been scaring the shit out of college students!" .......................:drum:
 

Coss

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A man with multiple bruises and lacerations rushed to his doctor’s office. “Doctor, I just don’t understand,” the man said. “I think I’m a bridge.”

“My goodness,” the doctor said. “What’s come over you?”

“One semi, a pick up truck, and two cars.” ..........................................:car:............................:help:....................................:drum:
 

Coss

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In Las Vegas, a man finds himself in a hotel. He didn't want to be alone in the room so he calls a hooker.
The hooker arrived and tells him, "I want to tell you right up front, my minimum fee is $500, and that's for a hand job."

The hooker points out the window, and pointing to an expansive Mercedes says,
"See that? I own that because of what I can do with my hands."

He was surprised, but figured what the hell so he did it anyway.
Turned out to be best handjob ever! So he asks, "How much do you get for pussy?"

Then the hooker replies, "Do you see the hotel sitting there on the corner? I could own that if I had a pussy!" ....:p........:becky:
 

Coss

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This guy walking down the street when he ran into this pretty woman.
He said. “I bet I can drop $500 on the ground and f**k you before you can pick it up.”

The woman calls her friend to tell her about it. The friend says, "Set him up, when he drops the money just pick it up and run!"

So the woman tells the guy, “The bet is on.” A few minutes go by and the girl's friend calls her back to find out how did it go.

The woman says, “The asshole didn't tell me he had $500 in quarters.” ...................:eek:....................:becky:..............:drum:
 
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