How did the ewok get across the road?
E-walked!.............
...................
.............
.............
E-walked!.............
.............................................
-
Welcome to Elio Owners! Join today, registration is easy!
You can register using your Google, Facebook, or Twitter account, just click here.
Jokes! ( Not Necessarily Work Safe )
- Thread starter Keith Dahl
- Start date
Yeah..... that last one was bad...to make up for it........
An elderly couple was on a cruise and it was really stormy. They were standing on the back of the ship watching the moon, when a wave came up and washed the woman overboard.
They searched for days and couldn't find her, so the captain sent the old man back to shore with the promise that he would notify him as soon as they found something.
Three weeks went by and finally the old man got a fax from the boat; it read: ”Sir, sorry to inform you, we found your wife’s body at the bottom of the ocean. We brought her up to the deck and attached to her butt was an oyster that has a pearl worth $500,000. Please advice."
The old man faxed back: "Send me the pearl and re-bait the trap.”
How's that one? ...............
................
..................
An elderly couple was on a cruise and it was really stormy. They were standing on the back of the ship watching the moon, when a wave came up and washed the woman overboard.
They searched for days and couldn't find her, so the captain sent the old man back to shore with the promise that he would notify him as soon as they found something.
Three weeks went by and finally the old man got a fax from the boat; it read: ”Sir, sorry to inform you, we found your wife’s body at the bottom of the ocean. We brought her up to the deck and attached to her butt was an oyster that has a pearl worth $500,000. Please advice."
The old man faxed back: "Send me the pearl and re-bait the trap.”
How's that one? ...............
..................................
Read on a stall wall, not that long ago:
Some come here to sit and think…
Some come here to shit and stink…
I come here to scratch my balls…
And read the writing on the walls.
..............................................
Some come here to sit and think…
Some come here to shit and stink…
I come here to scratch my balls…
And read the writing on the walls.
..............................................
hawg_ryder
Elio Addict
A 17-year-old boy who works part-time at Pizza Hut drives up to park in front of the house in a beautiful Porsche.
Naturally, his parents know that there’s no way he earned enough with his after-school job to buy such a car.
“Where did you get that car?” his mom and dad screamed in shock.
“I bought it today,” replied the teen calmly.
“With what money young man?” his mom demands. “We know how much a Porsche costs and you cannot afford it!”
“Well, it’s used and I got a good deal” says the boy, “This one cost me 20 dollars.”
“Who on earth would sell a car like that for 20 dollars?!”
“The woman up the street,” the boy replies. “I don’t know her name–she just moved in.
She ordered a pizza and when I delivered it to her, she asked me if I wanted to buy a Porsche for 20 dollars.”
The boy’s dad and mom hurry over to their new neighbor’s house, ready to demand an explanation. Curiously, their new neighbor is calmly planting flowers in her front yard.
“I’m the father of the kid you just sold a sports car to for $20,” the dad says. “I need an explanation from you!”
“Well,” the woman says, not looking up from her garden. “This morning I got a phone call from my husband. I thought he was on a business trip in Florida, but it seems he has run off to Hawaii with his secretary and doesn’t intend to come back.”
“What on earth does that have to do with selling our son a Porsche for $20?” The boy’s mom asks, utterly perplexed.
The new neighbor smiles very big, and pauses for a minute. “Well, my husband asked me to sell his new Porsche and send him the money.
So I did...
Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned!
_hr
Naturally, his parents know that there’s no way he earned enough with his after-school job to buy such a car.
“Where did you get that car?” his mom and dad screamed in shock.
“I bought it today,” replied the teen calmly.
“With what money young man?” his mom demands. “We know how much a Porsche costs and you cannot afford it!”
“Well, it’s used and I got a good deal” says the boy, “This one cost me 20 dollars.”
“Who on earth would sell a car like that for 20 dollars?!”
“The woman up the street,” the boy replies. “I don’t know her name–she just moved in.
She ordered a pizza and when I delivered it to her, she asked me if I wanted to buy a Porsche for 20 dollars.”
The boy’s dad and mom hurry over to their new neighbor’s house, ready to demand an explanation. Curiously, their new neighbor is calmly planting flowers in her front yard.
“I’m the father of the kid you just sold a sports car to for $20,” the dad says. “I need an explanation from you!”
“Well,” the woman says, not looking up from her garden. “This morning I got a phone call from my husband. I thought he was on a business trip in Florida, but it seems he has run off to Hawaii with his secretary and doesn’t intend to come back.”
“What on earth does that have to do with selling our son a Porsche for $20?” The boy’s mom asks, utterly perplexed.
The new neighbor smiles very big, and pauses for a minute. “Well, my husband asked me to sell his new Porsche and send him the money.
So I did...
Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned!
_hr
hawg_ryder
Elio Addict
_hr
The first one, ehhhh, old joke, but funny just the same.
Second one was good, ...."the steaks were pretty high"...... I give that a 10 really good man, really good.......................
Second one was good, ...."the steaks were pretty high"...... I give that a 10 really good man, really good....
...................
A ninety-year-old man goes to a hooker. When he gets undressed, she looks at his limp member and says, “Mister, you’ve had it.”
Without missing a beat he says, “Thank you every much… how much do I owe you?"
Without missing a beat he says, “Thank you every much… how much do I owe you?"
A prominent young lawyer died on his way to court, and found himself before the gates of Heaven.
When he arrived, a chorus of angels appeared, singing in his honor.
St. Peter himself came out to shake his hand. "Mr Jones," said St. Peter, "it is a great honor to have you here at last.
You are the first being to break Methuselah's record for longevity. You have lived 1026 years."
"What are you talking about?" asked the lawyer. "I'm 46."
"46? But aren't you Steven Jones? The lawyer from Brooklyn"
"Yes," the lawyer answered.
"Let me check the records," said St. Peter. He slapped his hand against his forehead. "Oh, how silly of us.
Now I see the mistake! We accidentally calcluated your age by adding up the hours you billed to your clients!" ....
.....
.......
When he arrived, a chorus of angels appeared, singing in his honor.
St. Peter himself came out to shake his hand. "Mr Jones," said St. Peter, "it is a great honor to have you here at last.
You are the first being to break Methuselah's record for longevity. You have lived 1026 years."
"What are you talking about?" asked the lawyer. "I'm 46."
"46? But aren't you Steven Jones? The lawyer from Brooklyn"
"Yes," the lawyer answered.
"Let me check the records," said St. Peter. He slapped his hand against his forehead. "Oh, how silly of us.
Now I see the mistake! We accidentally calcluated your age by adding up the hours you billed to your clients!" ....
............
hawg_ryder
Elio Addict
_hr
hawg_ryder
Elio Addict
Inquiring minds want to know!
_hr
_hr