hawg_ryder
Elio Addict
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Jokes! ( Not Necessarily Work Safe )
- Thread starter Keith Dahl
- Start date
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What is it called when a man talks dirty to a woman?
Sexual harassment.
What is it called when a woman talks dirty to a man?
$3.99 a minute........................................
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Sexual harassment.
What is it called when a woman talks dirty to a man?
$3.99 a minute........................
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A guy goes into a store and asks the clerk, "Where would I find tampons?"
The clerk says, "Isle 15."
The guy goes to isle 15 and comes back with cotton balls and a roll of string. The clerk asks, "I thought you wanted tampons?"
To which the guy replied, "I did, but the other night I asked my wife to go get me a pack of cigarettes and she came back with some Bugler and rolling papers... If I can roll my own, so can she!"
The clerk says, "Isle 15."
The guy goes to isle 15 and comes back with cotton balls and a roll of string. The clerk asks, "I thought you wanted tampons?"
To which the guy replied, "I did, but the other night I asked my wife to go get me a pack of cigarettes and she came back with some Bugler and rolling papers... If I can roll my own, so can she!"
What is it called when a man talks dirty to a woman?
Sexual harassment.
What is it called when a woman talks dirty to a man?
$3.99 a minute........................
Suddenly got a message out of the blue, from a Chinese engine company salesperson, one of that I was doing supply investigations for last year. I left questions with them back then and never heard back from them.
(1/ Them 2/ Me ....)
1/ Hello, I am from Chery Ateco, can I help you?
2/ Hello.
1/ How can I address you?
2/ You can address me as Mark, or if you are a lady, you can undress me.
1/ That's not funny.
2/ Ok, bye bye then.
- Not really a joke, well my part was, but a culture clash that's a little too involved to explain, other than they think they can speak English, but they are very serious and very analytical, and have no idea of the depth of English in regards to humor, banter, cynicism, sarcasm, and general expression.
Made in USA
Elio Addict
Yes, it is hard for not native English speakers to understand you must know the context before it makes sense. I was in Korea once (non-military) on a job where we explained to them several times what not to do and they did it anyway. We even drew pictures. They were welding a frame with a group of loadcells and they were putting the ground below the loadcells and welding above them. To this day I don't know if they were damaged or not. We also were not told they shut the plant down every night, which included turning off the main power, gas, and water supplies. They forgot one day to turn on the water before starting the machine and burned up some water lubricated machines. If we had known we would have put in a water pressure switch as an interlock to prevent the machine from running. Not sure English is the best language in the world. (But it's the only one I know).
Mel
Elio Addict
Reminds me of the blonde who walked into a Library and said, in a loud voice, "I'd like a cheeseburger, fries and a large drink."
The Librarian said, in a low voice, "Young lady, This is a library!" Whereupon the blonde lowered her voice to a faint whisper and said, "Oh, I'm sorry. I'd like a cheeseburger, fries and a large drink."
The Librarian said, in a low voice, "Young lady, This is a library!" Whereupon the blonde lowered her voice to a faint whisper and said, "Oh, I'm sorry. I'd like a cheeseburger, fries and a large drink."
Billy Bob walked into the shop and asks: "Yi'll sells a tin cint ice crim here?".
The shopkeeper looks at him and replies: "You're from the foothills in Tennessee are you not?".
Embarrassed by his obvious accent, Billy Bob immediately leaves the shop and vows to improve himself. He takes English comprehension classes for 3 months, and arms himself with newfound confidence.
Returning to the shop, he proudly walks up to the same shopkeeper and in perfect English, with no accent, asks: "Good morning good Sir, I would like to purchase a ten cent ice cream please ..."
Again the shopkeeper looks at him and replies: "You're from the foothills in Tennessee are you not?".
Billy Bob is completely perplexed. "How could you possibly know that?!" He exclaims ...
The shopkeeper replies: "Look around you, this is a furniture shop ....".
Mark!! Have to ever been to the states? For more than a day or two? I'm just curious .............
A husband in his back yard is trying to fly a kite. He throws the kite up in the air, the wind catches it for a few seconds,
and then it comes crashing back down to earth. He tries a few more times with no success.
All the while, his wife is watching from the kitchen window, muttering to herself how men need to be told how to do everything.
She opens the window and yells to her husband, “You need more tail!”
The man turns with a confused look on his face and says, "Make up your mind. Last night, you told me to go fly a kite!”
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and then it comes crashing back down to earth. He tries a few more times with no success.
All the while, his wife is watching from the kitchen window, muttering to herself how men need to be told how to do everything.
She opens the window and yells to her husband, “You need more tail!”
The man turns with a confused look on his face and says, "Make up your mind. Last night, you told me to go fly a kite!”
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