Know what I like even better than roses on my piano?
Tulips on my organ. .........................
..............
............................
Tulips on my organ. .........................
..........................................
-
Welcome to Elio Owners! Join today, registration is easy!
You can register using your Google, Facebook, or Twitter account, just click here.
Jokes! ( Not Necessarily Work Safe )
- Thread starter Keith Dahl
- Start date
At a Harvard- Yale football game a man from Harvard and a man from Yale end up at the urinal together.
When the two men finished the man from Harvard headed for the sink while the man from Yale headed for the door.
The man from Harvard says, "At Harvard they teach us to wash our hands after we pee."
The man from Yale replies, "At Yale they teach us not to pee on our hands."
When the two men finished the man from Harvard headed for the sink while the man from Yale headed for the door.
The man from Harvard says, "At Harvard they teach us to wash our hands after we pee."
The man from Yale replies, "At Yale they teach us not to pee on our hands."
How do you know when a hooker is done eating?
When there is a belt buckle on her forehead. .................................
.............
...............
When there is a belt buckle on her forehead. ................
.............................................
hawg_ryder
Elio Addict
They way I heard that one was with an Aggie and an UT alumni
hawg_ryder
Elio Addict
Jane and Arlene are outside their nursing home, having a drink and a smoke, when it starts to rain. Jane pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette, and continues smoking.
Arlene: What in the hell is that?
Jane: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.
Arlene: Where did you get it?
Jane: You can get them at any pharmacy.
The next day, Arlene hobbles herself into the local pharmacy and
announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms.
The pharmacist, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely (she is, after all, over 80 years of age), but very delicately asks what size, texture, brand of condom she prefers.
'Doesn't matter Sonny, as long as it fits on a Camel.'
The pharmacist fainted!
_hr
Arlene: What in the hell is that?
Jane: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.
Arlene: Where did you get it?
Jane: You can get them at any pharmacy.
The next day, Arlene hobbles herself into the local pharmacy and
announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms.
The pharmacist, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely (she is, after all, over 80 years of age), but very delicately asks what size, texture, brand of condom she prefers.
'Doesn't matter Sonny, as long as it fits on a Camel.'
The pharmacist fainted!
_hr
hawg_ryder
Elio Addict
_hr
The butcher lived in an apartment over his shop. One night he was awakened by strange noises, coming from the shop.
He tiptoed downstairs and observed that his 21-year-old daughter was sitting on the chopping block and was masturbating with a liverwurst.
He sighed and tiptoed back to bed.
The next morning, one of his customers came in and asked for some liverwurst. The butcher explained that he did not have any.
The woman was annoyed. She pointed and said, “No liverwurst, eh? Well, what’s that hanging on the hook right over there?”
The embarrassed butcher frowned at her and replied, “That, lady, is my new son-in-law.” ........................
He tiptoed downstairs and observed that his 21-year-old daughter was sitting on the chopping block and was masturbating with a liverwurst.
He sighed and tiptoed back to bed.
The next morning, one of his customers came in and asked for some liverwurst. The butcher explained that he did not have any.
The woman was annoyed. She pointed and said, “No liverwurst, eh? Well, what’s that hanging on the hook right over there?”
The embarrassed butcher frowned at her and replied, “That, lady, is my new son-in-law.” ..........
..............
Two bats are hanging upside down in a cave. The first bat asks the second, “Do you remember the worst day of your life?”
“I sure do," began the second bat. "It was the day I had diarrhea.” ...................
................
.........................
“I sure do," began the second bat. "It was the day I had diarrhea.” ...................
.........................................
“Care for a drink?”
“I’m sorry. I am married.”
“I’m married and just as sorry.” .............................................................................................
“I’m sorry. I am married.”
“I’m married and just as sorry.” .............................
................................................................
A couple is riding in the back of a limo on the way to their honeymoon boat cruise.
The husband says, "Honey, I want to stop and pick up some condoms before we go."
"Good idea," she says. "While you're in there, pick me up some Dramamine."
The groom gets out, walks into the drugstore and says to the clerk, "I'd like a box of condoms and a package of Dramamine, please."
"Yes sir," says the clerk, "but do you mind if I ask you a question? If it makes you nauseous, why do you do it?" .............
The husband says, "Honey, I want to stop and pick up some condoms before we go."
"Good idea," she says. "While you're in there, pick me up some Dramamine."
The groom gets out, walks into the drugstore and says to the clerk, "I'd like a box of condoms and a package of Dramamine, please."
"Yes sir," says the clerk, "but do you mind if I ask you a question? If it makes you nauseous, why do you do it?" .............