Jokes! ( Not Necessarily Work Safe )

[Ty]

Do you think clouds are up there pointing down saying "Look! That one is in the shape of an idiot!"?

 

[Doug McDow]

 

[Coss]

At her appointment with the psychiatrist, a young woman pleads.
"Doctor, you must help me."
"It’s gotten so that every time I date a nice guy, I end up in bed with him. And then afterwards, I feel guilty and depressed for a week."

“I see," nods the doctor.
"And you no doubt, want me to strengthen your will power and resolve in this matter."

"No, No!" exclaims the young woman.



"I want you to fix it so I won’t feel guilty and depressed afterwards."

 

[Coss]

A 90-year-old man was having his annual check-up.
The doctor asked him how he was feeling.
"I've never been better," the old man replied.
"I've got an eighteen-year-old bride who's pregnant & delivered a child."
"What is your opinion about that, doc?" the old man asked.

The doctor thought for a moment, then said, "Well, let me tell you a story.
I know a guy who is a hunter. He never misses a season for hunting.
But, one day he's in a bit of a hurry and he accidentally grabs his umbrella instead of his gun.
So he's walking in the woods near a creek, and suddenly he spots a lion in some brush in front of him.
He raises his umbrella, points it at the lion and squeezes the handle. BAM! The lion drops dead in front of him."

"That's impossible!" said the old man in disbelief.
”Someone else must have shot that lion”.
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"Exactly," said the doctor.

 

[Mel]

A 90-year-old man was having his annual check-up.
The doctor asked him how he was feeling.
"I've never been better," the old man replied.
"I've got an eighteen-year-old bride who's pregnant & delivered a child."
"What is your opinion about that, doc?" the old man asked.
The doctor thought for a moment, then said, "Well, let me tell you a story.
I know a guy who is a hunter. He never misses a season for hunting.
But, one day he's in a bit of a hurry and he accidentally grabs his umbrella instead of his gun.
So he's walking in the woods near a creek, and suddenly he spots a lion in some brush in front of him.
He raises his umbrella, points it at the lion and squeezes the handle. BAM! The lion drops dead in front of him."
"That's impossible!" said the old man in disbelief.
”Someone else must have shot that lion”.
-
"Exactly," said the doctor.

That's called a "grudge pregnancy". Somebody had it in for him!

 

[Doug McDow]

]

 

[Ty]

My doctor: You need more Potassium
Me: K
My doctor: You need to cut out the sodium
Me: Na

 

[Coss]

Dam, isn't there a don't like chemistry jokes?

 

[Ty]

Dam, isn't there a don't like chemistry jokes?

Na


(Na... sodium... nothing? Come on, people!)

 

[Coss]

"Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet."

- Robin Williams

"See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time."

-- Robin Williams